Can I get him to see she wrong for him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2004
Can I get him to see she wrong for him?
12
Wed, 07-07-2004 - 1:25am
Five months ago I met this guy "Pepper" at work. He had just started working there and he seemed pretty cool. Then we got to know eachother really well. Before I knew it we were always together at work, (even though we were getting in trouble for talking and not working).

Then in March he and his girlfriend had this huge fight and he left the house they were sharing. "Pepper" called me up and asked if I wanted to hang out with him after work and because he needed someone to listen to him. I met up with him and before I knew it that day turned into him staying with me because he had no where to live. Then we started, uhmmm, being intimate. He and I were getting totally caught up in this really crazy affair.

But "woman" was still in the picture. She is 12 years his senior and she apparently is really good at manipulating him. Long story short, she is not quite what I would call emotionally stable. Their relationship has been on and off for 3 yrs. I have become the one person in his life he trusts unconditionally. I have found that my feelings for him are strong and he has the same for me. But "woman" has a huge tight leash on him called "you owe me". (To try and exlplain more of their relationship would be taking up all the space here.)

Anyways....We both were having a hard time because he feels like he should try to at least see if things can work for them, but he is torn because he is crazy about me. I tell him all the time that I would be a better person for him but he doesn't seem to hear me. Just about every time they are together she is always starting a fight with him. And he comes running to me. She is not the one for him, not saying I am, but she is always hurting him. She can make him cry!

I know that I could be a good girlfriend to him, but he keeps going back to her. Well I decided that I couldn't wait anymore, so we agreed to be just friends. But the friends thing is so hard for us! We live together as roommates and sometimes we share a bed! (no sex)

I guess what I am looking for here can someone please tell me if I am being an idiot and just asking for trouble by staying friends with him? Could I possibly be able to make him realize she is the wrong person for him? Or am I just setting myself up for major heartache?

I know this was a long one, but I have no one to talk to about this. He is my best friend and I can't ask him this stuff! I need feedback. But I don't want to be told I am being stupid and drop him, yadda yadda yadda. I just want some real advice. Both female and male perspective would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Thu, 07-08-2004 - 5:09pm
Hello brat_monster!

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2004
Fri, 07-09-2004 - 2:40am
Thanks for that! It did make sense. I did have to print it out so I can read it again, (and again, and again)!

It's amazing how no matter how different people are, relationships are the same (almost).

Thanks everyone for some awesome advice! So far I feel little bit stronger!

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