Can i give up?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2004
Can i give up?
11
Tue, 10-19-2004 - 10:16pm
I feel like giving up. I have been single for over two years and its feeling like i am in a store and i know what i am looking for is not there. So why am i wasting my time hoping that what i want will show up? Cause its not in the store and it never will be so why am i wasting my time?

 Cassie 

     

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: squeaker02
Wed, 10-20-2004 - 9:25am
squeaker02...

Pianoguy thinks you "might be shopping at the wrong stores?" Are you limiting yourself to internet sites for a 'potential mate'...or do you socialize at all?

You didn't indicate how active you are in the community...even though (according to your profile) you're in the process of trying to pass the state and national boards in order to become a vet technician. Guess what? You've selected an occupation that should enable you to interract with others. And sometimes it's good to try and connect with people who have interests (and occupations) similar to the ones you're pursuing.

As far as being single for 2 years...don't feel bad! Many ivillagers (including Pianoguy) have been single longer than you. We're not being picky, but in some cases, slightly cautious. When you've been hurt in the past, most of us aren't thrilled about the possibility of the same thing happening again! So we try to treat others the way we'd like to be treated...in a kindly, caring way. If romance or some sort of attachment eventually "blossoms"---FANTASTIC! If not...perhaps a good friendship has been acquired?

I guess if YOU can give yourself a little more "visibility" and approach each new person that you meet AS JUST A FRIEND...perhaps you'll eventually make that solid connection? Try to remember that just because you're hanging out "at the store" waiting for someone to approach you...most men won't! .

However...a nice smile and/or a "HELLO" from you could be an "icebreaker?"

Best wishes, warm thoughts and good luck from...

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2004
In reply to: squeaker02
Wed, 10-20-2004 - 10:41am
Sounds like you are trying to hard.

Its certainly your life, I've been where you are, I'm still single as well, but I only feel like you do right now when I'm feeling low...so just let it pass and get out there and enjoy life for what it brings you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2004
In reply to: squeaker02
Wed, 10-20-2004 - 4:24pm

IT doesn't matter what "store" i am shopping in its never there. And i don't hit with a purse cause i don't have one. Thats probably one of my downfalls when it comes to relationships is i am not a girly girl. Which i have decided is a turn off to guys. I mean i am no Pat looking female but i'm not scard of hard work, getting dirty, or outdoor activites like hunting and camping.

I do the internet thing some... and i try to go out when i can but with my major its really demanding and i don't have the energy to go out much. And when i do, i'm to shy to do anything anyway. I have tried and tried to get over this but i have not found a way for me to go get over it yet. I have lots of guy friends but thats as far as things every seem to go. Alwasy tell me they would love to date a girl like me yet they don't ever do what they say.

It does not help that i feel like i am being left behind by others around me. It has seemed in the last year most of my friends have either gotten married or engaged. The rest are seeing someone seriousely. There are a few that don't but they are alot more out going then i am about going out and meeting people and feeling ok with there singleness. I am i am ok being single but it would be nice to have someone. Of the single people i run with most of them have had someone in the last 6 months.

and yes after what i went through two and half years ago.. men should be happy at all that i am giving them another chance. Because they have some guys out there that have ruined it for them and for me. ITs funny how only jerks and losers seem to be attrackted to me.

I just don't know what do to anymore. I have stopped looking a long time ago. I mean i still have considerations but i'm not set on having someone so bad i go nuts. But nothing and i mean NOTHING is working to fix or change this situation. I am at the end of my rope. I have decided that maybe i should just start saving up for the ranch i want and forget about ever having someone to share things with.

 Cassie 

     

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2003
In reply to: squeaker02
Wed, 10-20-2004 - 4:45pm

you should NEVER ever give up! Ever! Life is a rollercoaster, it has it highs and lows. Right now it sounds like you are at a all time low. Just because you haven't meet "Mr.Right" RIGHT now doesnt mean you ever will. Those come around a few times in our life.

You said that you think guys want more of the girly girls, why do you try that being more girly. Ask you guys friends, which you say you have alot, to help you out. I know that a guys should love you for you are, but you also need to attract them first. We all know how visual guys can be...do you wear skirts, makeup, have you hair done? If this is not who you are then don't change, but if you are willing why not give it a try....you have nothing to lose!

You sound like a very intelligent, sweet girl, PLEASE don't give up!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2004
In reply to: squeaker02
Wed, 10-20-2004 - 4:58pm
If this is a roller coster then i have been on a downwward haul for a long time. with a few very small up dips here and there. And i can't even find a Mr. possibility. I'm not a skinny hot girly girl. Guys tell me thats not what they want but thats sure the hell what they seem to go after. And i don't ware skirts i'm not good looking enough for stuff like that. I am a country / jeans kinda girl... because thats what i am comfortable in. I'm not way way over weight but i am not the skinny type of girl that guys want. And i do get nice and do my hair and make up and all but not all the time cause i don't have the time or the want to to wake up 2 hours before i have to be at class to look that good for who? My teachers and classmates of which are all female. Sleep is a little bit more important then looking frilly to go to class. And i'm sorry if ya can't look at me w/o all of those things and want me then how are you really gonna want to be with me? Good point huh?

 Cassie 

     

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: squeaker02
Wed, 10-20-2004 - 5:12pm

squeaker02...

You've had several positive, supportive responses to this post.

But...if you are going to spend a lot of your time singing Linda Ronstadt's "Poor, Poor Pitiful Me" and assuming that there's nobody out there who will give you the time of day, you probably WON'T find Mr. Right!

If you think the only thing a man notices is how great a woman looks in jeans...you're mistaken. We ALSO know if we want to be with you...based on your enthusiasm and YOUR ATTITUDE! Reread some of your responses to what has been suggested by other ivillagers.

Maybe...it's YOUR ATTITUDE that's keeping the men away?

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2004
In reply to: squeaker02
Wed, 10-20-2004 - 5:22pm

I'm sorry pianoguy, I guess this was a bad day to post this. I'm in a down mood because once again i got shot down last night. Its just getting harder and harder for me to be possative about things with nothing possative ever happend when i try. Its like doing something one hundred times and never getting it right. It gets frustrating and you start to question why you do it at all. Thats how i am feeling. I am sorry i was coming across as ungratful. Thats not how i wanted it to be. That one message about me kinda changing myself just upset me. I changed once for a guy, and thats part of the reason i am where i am today. I thought if i do this it will make things better and he will want to stay. But he didn't... he cheated on me and lots more things. So its hard for me now to budge who i am cause i don't want screwed over again.

Squeak

 Cassie 

     

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2003
In reply to: squeaker02
Wed, 10-20-2004 - 5:29pm

I don't agree that guys just want skinny hot girls, because the average american female is not that! The average size is 14 and does not look like Pamela Anderson.

Even if you work with little kids and females, you should look good, not for them but for yourself! If you start feeling better about yourself then you will project that and guys will notice that as well. Also you never know who you might meet ;) I agree that people should love you for you and you shouldnt have to spend all day fixing yourself, but guys do like feminine women, even if its a small thing like wearing lipstick or wearing a pretty top, it doesnt hurt.

I really do hope you get over this, you are being too negative on life and on yourself. Life is full of surprises and we are here a very short time, so why not enjoy it and if you are meant to be single then accept it and enjoy life. I hate to be corny but like the saying goes..if life throws you lemons..YOU make a lemonade...or I hope that how it goes.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: squeaker02
Wed, 10-20-2004 - 5:40pm

Squeak...

Please trust me on this....NOBODY (who has experienced a bad relationship) WANTS TO GO THROUGH THE SAME CRAP AGAIN!

But changes ARE necessary every now and then.

Without change, we can't grow...nor can we understand others, as well as ourselves. And it doesn't matter how young or how old we are..."mistakes and disappointments" often accompany CHANGES!

The trick is to remember how things screwed up...so you can avoid the screw-ups a second or third time! Nobody here is suggesting that you do a "complete make-over", but 1 or 2 "changes in attitude...changes in lattitude" might make you a lot happier???

Squeak...the world isn't out to "shoot you down"...unless you're wearing a circular target with a sign that says: SHOOT ME!

I'm sending you a hug and warm thoughts....

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2004
In reply to: squeaker02
Thu, 10-21-2004 - 6:04am


Hi Squeak,

One thing that u should NOT DO is GIVE UP!..Never give up ..but also don't over do it!
First you need to hang around more with single, female , flirty ..out going friends. Then you can have girl nights, go dancing , support each other etc. You need to be out there..BE VISIBLE...do different social things ..like going to barbacues, house parties, special events......Sports is a great way, wine tasting etc.
Second, hanging out with the boys is great but it kills the chances of you meeting other guys..once in a while its great but don't expect to catch a guy while with all your other guy friends.That doesn't work.
Third, u need to be more girly..Most guys i know say that i think like a guy in regards to hooking up and going out ..but u need to act soft, dainty but still confident and fun.You could easily intimidate men..especially since men still need to feel needed and wanted ..It's an ego thing ! (protecting the girl or taking care of the girl etc)...It's a man thing...Be girly ...spoil yourself silly ..pamper yourself...u deserve it! When you go out ...you should allow yourself lots of time..even if it takes you 1 to 2 hours to get ready....you need to....U need to be visible...There are men out there looking for girls like you HOWEVER you might either to slow to catch their attention or some girl was to fast ( his loss). It's like browsing in a store for a brand...the brand with a stricking packaging gets your attention..by packaging i mean the colors you wear, the expression on your face, the way u carry yourself etc.. and one last thing.. ..show your softer side a little.
AND PLEEEASE DO NOT GIVE UP!There have been several times i felt like you do....but i kept on hoping ....and still keep on hoping....

I wish u the best and i hope i helped a little

Samsaracoco

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