can I overlook...?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2004
can I overlook...?
2
Sun, 10-10-2004 - 6:19pm
Here is my dilema...I met my bf online through a dating network about 6.5 months ago. He immediately said he normally would not have contacted someone who lives so far away from him but he did(we live about 1500 miles apart). He stated that he was financially able to travel when needed and that should not be a concern, we started talking online and soon thereafter on the phone. We met about a month after talking online and we hit it off and was great. Since that time we have seen each other on average every 2 to 3 weeks on weekends (about 3-4 days at a time). He has been sepearted for a year now and the divorce is in the final phase. Recently we have been abit aggitated with on another and quick to snap. He has a friend (female) who he had spoken previously about our relationship and she warned him that I may be 'after what he can do for me and my family'. BTW I am 33, he is 43 and we both have two children each. He wants me to move to where he lives in about 7 months and the other night he told me what his female friend had said to him and asked me if that could be the case. I was sooo mad that he even asked that to me. I dont know if I can forget what he asked and that he even entertained the thought. He says he is just insecure and doesnt want to be hurt. We are from different social classes, he has more money than I and he is succesful. I do like the fact that he is older, more stable and financially in a good place but I certainly dont want him to be my moneyman!! We have talked that I will work while out there and take care of my responsibilities but now I am wondering if he plans on us living seperate lives yet in one house AND can I forget what he said to me about the '..using of him..'.

I hope this made some sense...any thoughts?

lem

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2004
Sun, 10-10-2004 - 6:59pm
It sounds like he is worried and instead of just coming and telling you his insecurities he is saying that his female friend mentioned this idea. I am inclined to believe that he has been burned in the past and needs reassurance. I would be very cautious about moving across country, leaving your settled life, and moving your kids, and then to get out there and have problems. I would sit down and talk to him. I would not move out there unless you 2 intend to get married. you should keep your own bank acct and keep a job and keep your options opne since if he is the one with $$$ he could kick you out and leave you and your kids with no support
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2004
Mon, 10-11-2004 - 12:53pm
I agree with post. DO NOT MOVE YOUR CHILDREN ANS LEAVE YOUR JOB UNLESS YOU ARE ENGAGED or planning marriage. His divorce isn't even final? He has only been out of that relationsip for about a year? NO WAY

I think by staying where you are, working, etc.....seeing if relationship progresses, you can show him that YOU ARE not just out for what he can provide for your family. No questions- do not move now. This relationship obviously needs more seasoning.

Good luck