Can I win him back?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2004
Can I win him back?
4
Wed, 06-30-2004 - 3:18pm
I dated this fantastic man for only a short time. However, we had a great relationship and we fell in love deeply. Work priorities had become very overwhelming for him, and as he realized he WANTED to start a family, he decided he needed to straighten out his career and his finances first. Because of this, he broke up with me. I am still so very hurt, thinking if he loved me, he would want me to work through this with him. I know now he wants to do this on his own, for the feeling of independence it will bring him - that he's never had.

Is there hope for my future with him? We have decided to stay friends, but don't see each other that often - as I am trying to give him space. When he gets his career in order, will he come back to me? Is there any way I can let him know that the door is still open for him to return without looking like a wet blanket who is waiting around for him to come to his senses? What can I do to get on with my life, but still keep him close for the chance we could still be together? Thanks for any hopeful words... I am so very hurt and confused and still love him so much.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-30-2004 - 3:29pm
I'm sorry, but I don't see a lot of hope here...are you open to unhopeful words as well, or not?

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2004
Wed, 06-30-2004 - 3:34pm
Tell it to me straight, I guess... Just holding on to the idea that he meant it when he said he loved me and saw us together for a long time... or maybe he just used me like everyone else has?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2004
Wed, 06-30-2004 - 3:37pm
Honestly?
Lilypie Baby Days

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-30-2004 - 3:57pm
No, that's not what I see...what I see is a man who is unequipped to deal with LIFE, and that makes him a poor bet for a r'ship, even if he were to come back to you.

Life doesn't happen in neat, little boxes, and one thing at a time. You have to be able to deal with a whole bunch of things at once. I would be worried that even if he came back, the next time he felt his life was in crisis, or something wasn't going exactly as he wanted it to, he'd bail again.

Love isn't enough. In order to have a healthy r'ship, you need two people who have the skills and capability to be in a healthy r'ship! He doesn't.

Sheri

P.S. As far as trying to be friends with him, don't. It's too painful for you to love someone and pretend to be ok with being "friends". Maybe after you're over him, but keeping in contact with him is just going to prolong the pain and suffering.


Edited 6/30/2004 4:02 pm ET ET by northwestwanderer