Can a man fake love?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2004
Can a man fake love?
4
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 9:05pm




Hi all. I am dating my boyfriend of 6 months who as some of you might know ended up putting out an add on a website personal for a girl of asian persuasion so that he can "serve" . Since then we have talked it out and he says the reason he did this is because he was starting to resent me because I was depressed all the time and he didn't know why. I told him I was depressed because of personal issues and also because I was scared to date someone like him from the beginning as he is so much better looking than me and I'm afraid he'll stray. It seems we made a break through and we went on a wonderful trip to New York and everything is fine. I am convinced that he loves me and that he does have some wierd kinks that he has to work out in the fantasy world. Such as he would talk to other girls on the net but it's me he spends all of his time with and spoils and such. I am not sure if I can accept this and it is kind of risky but have to give it a shot because I do love this man. His parents are visiting and staying with us for 2 weeks and I get along really well with them and my boyfriend has been so very loving. He will wrestle me when we're alone and ask me to say I love him, that it's good to hear that I love him and the other day I said something like I would always love him and he said that's the nicest thing I have ever said to him. I know throughout the relationship I have held back and have threatened to break up with him several times so I am sure he has some sort of complex that another girl on the net could fix so I am thinking if I fix it and make him feel secure then he would nto do things like that. I know in the beginning of the relationship I would threaten to break up with him and always think the worst of him because I thought he was a playboy. Anyways my question is , can men fake it when they introduce you to their parents ( whom I know he loves to death and want them to have a high opinion of him). They keep on hinting that they are so happy to have me as apart of their family and are expressing their high hopes of us one day having children. My boyfriend will tell me " you know you 're going to be my wife" so on and so forth . My question is can a guy really fake loving a girl and if so how can I tell? He has been so very supportive and loving and attentive and wanting to work with me any way to make me feel happy. Any help would be great! Thanks.




iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2004
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 12:00am
My advice to you would be to get out of this relationship as fast as you can! Run don't walk from this Relationship! I was in the exact same position you were a year ago with a man who I thought loved me he did a lot of the same things you did. He asked me to marry him told me he wanted to marry me one day said he wanted me to be the mother of his Children we talked all the time he told me he loved me all the time. We were together for 7 months. Well to the point anyways after we had been together for five months I had a hunch he was lying to me about something my intuition just told me to check the Personal ads. Sure enough he had one on there and and I called and confronted him as soon as I saw it and asked him what the hell was going on. He tried to lie and say his best friend placed it and he was pissed at him for doing it and told him he had a girlfriend and that he didn't know the password to it and when he saw his friend doing it he yelled at him and I'm like oh so well you could delete it and he said he didn't know the password. I didn't believe him that and I checked the ad like once a week and it said he was actively checking it. So finally one night I said I'm not going to pretend to act like I don't still know the personal ad is up I've seen it I know it's up I said I'm your girlfriend and I love you and I'm under the impression that you love me since you said it and tell me all the time and asked me to marry you and said you want me to be the mother of your children. Well, I finally told him that it's either the Personal Ad or me and he had to choose he can't have both of us. Anyway he choose me and got rid of the personal ad and I checked and it was gone he got rid of it and we stayed together for about 2 more months and then we brokeup and shortly after we brokeup he posted it again but I didn't care at this point we weren't together anymore. He still has it posted and I think it's funny that he had something good and he threw it all away and is still looking for someone to spend his life with when he had all that. I've since moved on even though it hurt a lot and it took a long time for me to trust men again. Now, though I have a wonderful boyfriend who I know is the one and I love more then anything and I trust completely and I know this time he feels the same way. I mean sometimes I do find myself checking the personal ad's wondering if he's doing the same thing but we've been together almost five months and it's been a great five months. Anyway I'd advise you to leave this relationship not trying to sound bossy or anything but I wish that when he had first placed the ad I had dumped him and seen the signs and ended it. I think it was more then the personal ad it was he started taking a lot of weekend trips and going away and I couldn't reach him or he didn't give me a number to call him out and he'd just say he was going away with friend's and when he got back he paid a lot of attention to me as if he was doing something he shouldn't have been doing. I wish I had ended it as soon as I found out instead of staying with him for 2 more months I could have saved myself a lot of heartbreak and pain. A year later I can say I'm fine now and in a new relationship with a great guy but a year ago I was devestated and hurt and I had no clue what to do with myself. My advice to you is if he even thinks of placing a personal ad ask yourself what else he wouldn't do? If he's placing personal ad's then chances are he's doing other things he shouldn't be doing. It's up to you but my advice to you would be to end this relationship NOW. Take it from someone who's been there and done that save yourself the heartache and pain and leave him now. It took me seven months to get over my ex if I had ended it as soon as I found out I could have saved myself so much pain and heartache get out while you can you deserve better anyone who places a personal ad behind your back his heart is not into the relationship or you're future as much as you think. Any man who truly loves you and sees you in his future will have no need to look anywhere else for any other woman. Men can fake orgasms so why can't they fake love? Trust me a man who is truly in love will not be able to fake it you'll be able to tell and any man who is truly in love won't place Personal ad's behind your back I had to learn this the hard way and would hate to see anyone else go thru this. Wake up he's playing you! Not to be rude but I was naive and made all the same excuses for my ex but now I realize he was lying to me and playing me. In fact after reading your Post I found I made a lot of the same excuses for my ex oh it was a mistake or it was this or that I would have believed anything he said I defended him to my friend's and did a lot of the same things you're doing seriously wakeup this man is no good dump him and find someone who you truly deserve I wish I had done it sooner!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2004
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 3:43am
oh yes they can! and it sounds like he isn't even doing a very good job of it...
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2004
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 12:25pm
In all sincerety, i feel you may need to think about your own self esteem before his. You say you were/are afraid of dating a man like him, because he is so much better looking than you are...... whatever gave u that idea?? if you have this view of yourself, you will not be treated as you deserve. You may need to actually not be in a relationship, until u find happiness with just being you, and then, attract someone who will love you, and see you as a true beauty both in and out...

A man does not stick around a woman too long, or too passionately if the only thing that attracts him is her outter beauty. being smart, independent, compassionate are traits that make a 'regular' woman into a beauty queen, and every woman should be treated as such. do not accept anything less, but first you have to see urself in a better light.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 4:04pm
>can men fake it when they introduce you to their parents

My ex-bf introduced me to his parents, and even took me to all the family functions and holidays. But he didn't love me. The fact was, he just needed someone to take home to his parents, so I was officially his "girlfriend" for family purposes, but he dated others behind my back. He also put up an internet ad looking for another woman. He had IMs from different women popping up on his computer screen. I do think a person can fake being in love, if he/she really wants to.