can my confidence scare off guys?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
can my confidence scare off guys?
6
Fri, 07-16-2004 - 1:15pm
can the guys shy away from someone who is used to independance? sometimes this thought crosses my mind

i work since i was 19 and have a pretty good career for 24yr old (HR consultant in a big firm),love traveling and visited quite a few countries (for business & tourism), not used to relying on someone much as all my life i relied on myself mostly, don't sit around waiting for someone to entertain me so my schedule is always crammed with various activities. i grew up having a few good friends among guys + job obliges me to not have problems with communication skills - so chatting with a guy i just met & liked is not a difficult task. i'm relaxed and confident about my looks and what i say

but very often i see that look on a guy's face when they get to know me and my lifestyle a better. or i get attention from someone and then he disappears for whatever reason. if i was boasting to them about work/travel/etc, i'd understand. but i don't! i keep my mouth shut until they ask, probe

and i can't help but wonder - is there something wrong with me and the way i come across?

can someone shed some light on it. am i wrong in somehting? or i just haven't met the right person yet? coz i only had one serious relationship so far and the rest just doesn't go anywhere... no matter how hard i try



iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Fri, 07-16-2004 - 2:51pm
From your post, you seem like a very inteligent, independent and interesting woman. What I think is that you need a very inteligent, independent and interesting guy as well, and guys sense that in you. So, probably you scare guys who are less confident or independent then you, not because of what you are, but because of what they are! There are very immature guys out there who are affraid of a woman they can't "control", because she just seems to want a man in her life, but he's not a matter of life or death!

The right man for you it's not the one who feels scared by you, but the one who look at you and loves what you are as a person, confident himself as well to show you that. So, don't care about those guys who disapeared after first date, they don't fit with you, they fit with someone else. You don't seem a woman to go on second best, so, just continue living your life as it is and beeing what you are, the right man will appear when you least expect it, and will love the person you are!


Edited 7/16/2004 2:53 pm ET ET by funniestgirl

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2004
Fri, 07-16-2004 - 4:34pm
I agree with the last response. Chances are the guys are intimidated by you. It's interesting... men in general don't like neediness and clinginess, but at the same time, some of them are intimidated by independent women. I say some... there are exceptions out there, at least I hope so... they're in hiding I guess.

I have been concerned that I initimidate some men (people in general) as well. Years ago I was told by a dude that I had no respect for men. The intended message, considering the source, was, "you won't roll over and play dead." Well, no, I won't. I tend to question people and things, I won't accept things at face value. In addition, I traveled while I was growing up, I've been financially independent (not rich, just taking care of my own stuff), I've had good, decent-paying jobs, I'm in graduate school. I'm not afraid to go to a new place and get lost while driving around. When I want something, I go for it, and for the most part I don't take crap from anyone (I'm pretty stubborn, actually).

Without having met you in person, it would be hard to say for sure if you are intimidating to some men. All I can say is that some probably are. You just keep on doing what you are doing. When an equally independent male comes along, he will recognize and appreciate you.

I hope the same for me.

A~

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2004
Fri, 07-16-2004 - 5:21pm


You are doing nothing wrong.

I think that all you need to do is encourage your dates more. Let them know you had as good a time with them as you did when you jumped from that hot air balloon and skydived into Tibet.

Men are attracted to people who have their own life they think it means you won't latch on so tightly to theirs

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2004
Fri, 07-16-2004 - 6:26pm
I'm a guy and I completely agree with everything other posters wrote.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
Sat, 07-17-2004 - 1:39am
thank you so much to all of you! i do feel much better having read all of your replies

i just had a great date last sunday which was followed by somewhat chilly "thank you" e-mail, so i got in doubts about myself.

but i'm fine now! :)thanks to all of you

Nara

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2003
Sat, 07-17-2004 - 2:09pm
Someone who can relate _ i posted a similiar question a few times.

It is fustrating at times but I definetly realize finding a quality guy is hard to find. One whom isn;t intimidated by a woman. finally realizing which many don't agree on here, but while I'm not a needy person - i really need a man in my life at this pt.

My guy friend took my suitcase for me this morning and last nite from my car back to my car, etc.. w/o me asking even, hes nice that way. and honestlyl I almost cried because im SO tired of doing everything myself these days. I just need help and support in little things like that- I need a partner in crime and someone to share those moments with me.

Unfort, this guy is just one of my best buddies.

I went a big tangent, but wanted to say I can relate and trust me when I say - Ive def intimidated more than a few guys away... Its kind of a downer but when we do find soomeone, it'll be a good person. I know that one!

take care

*Surfergirl*