Can two people start over?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2012
Can two people start over?
2
Sun, 11-04-2012 - 3:54pm

Two months ago amid a whirlwind of online dating, I met a guy.  I had been juggling about 5 other men, and didn't think anything of it - I was just having fun.  When I met D, he and I hit it off instantly...more than just a spark.  By date two we had determined that we would be exclusive, and I had absolutely no problem with this.  It was weird, because the others were just as good looking, just as successful, but I never thought twice about being exclusive with any of them.  Needless to say, D and I started spending time and nights together quickly.  We have a lot in common, including dreams about the future, hobbies, etc.  One thing about D, is that he is a total guy, into being with his buddies he has known all his life, and doing typical "guy stuff."  Our spending time together took him away from that, and I think he began to lose himself.  I also made the mistake of being very "needy."  So, all of this combined took a dramatic change from talking futures to him pulling back.  I have been doing some soul searching of my own in this time, and have realized the mistakes that I made to add to the stress of it all.  He has maintained some text contact, and I always let him initiate the conversation.  Last night I was getting ready to go out dancing with a girlfriend when he texted asking what I was up to.  I told him, and he proceeded to keep on texting me throughout the night to make sure I was ok.  I stayed pretty light hearted with my replies.  Finally, as I was driving home I flat out asked if I could "ask him a question and him be honest with me"  to which he said "yes."  So I asked if he thought we took things too fast.  And he said "I think so."  So, I replied with "do you think it can be salvaged?"  A minute later I got a text saying "will you go on a date with me??"  I of course said yes.  I guess my question is, I know what I did wrong the first time around...do second chances work?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sun, 11-04-2012 - 4:54pm

I do think that it could work if you both realize what led to the pulling back the first time and try to change that behavior.  You should both have an honest discussion about what you think happened before and how you want things to be this time around.  The fact that he never competely cut off contact is a positive sign.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2011
Mon, 11-05-2012 - 1:27pm

Hi Chica!

I think you have been very smart in analyzing your own problem! I think its amazing that you realized you were being needy and how that could effect the relationship. It's also great that you realized he felt like his was loosing himself and his place in his life with his friends. You waiting for him to initiate converstaion and then as he did asked flat out if it can be salvage was a wonderful decision. You put YOU first, even though you want things to work, you put yourself out there to see if it was worth it. When I read his response my heart was melting. It couldn't have been cuter or more perfect! I am so happy you guys are giving it another go around. You now know what needs to happen in order to make it work so just start from there! I believe this second chance is going to be really good fof you both. 

Enjoy Eachother!!

xox!
Amy
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