can we be friends?
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can we be friends?
| Tue, 06-22-2004 - 2:19am |
I have just broken up with my boyfriend of a year and I really miss his friendship. I know that for the long-term, we will not work out romantically, but he has become my best friend, and I don't know if I can deal with losing my best friend along with losing my boyfriend. He was unwilling to be friends at first, but now he says he misses me so much that he'll take any contact with me he can get. I've made it very clear to him that we are not getting back together, but I have a feeling he may still harbor some hopes that I'll change my mind. I want so badly to be able to still have him in my life, but if it's only going to hurt him more in the end, I know i can't be selfish. Is the only way to get him to understand that we have no chance to stop talking to him completely? Will being friends with him only lead him on, or will he eventually accept it completely?

It hurts to lose a friend -- perhaps more than losing a boyfriend. However, until *he* can accept that friendship is the ONLY thing that can ever be between you right now, I think it is best to let him go. Only HE knows whether or not his feelings for you will change over time. One thing is for certain...as long as you keep in touch or remain in his life, I don't think it will help him much in getting over you/the changed relationship.
I am not saying that it is NOT possible to be friends, but right now, feelings are still raw. Maybe as time passes and hurt feelings are overcome, you COULD be friends. That depends on BOTH of you, IF it is still what you would BOTH want for each other.
You yourself said: "I want so badly to be able to still have him in my life, but if it's only going to hurt him more in the end, I know i can't be selfish. "
I think you answered your own question. And you have to honor YOUR own feelings of loss, as much as you should honor his.
On a bit of a cynical note, wouldn't it be an irony if you did decide to remain *friends* and he changed his ways BUT you started feeling differently! What would he do? Change back again?