Can we really be "just friends"????

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2004
Can we really be "just friends"????
2
Sat, 11-20-2004 - 6:42pm
I dated a guy for a couple of months and some things didn't work out so I broke up with him. I never stopped having feelings for him, just some things went wrong (but that's a different story). Well, we didn't talk for about 2 weeks and then he all of a sudden called me (which I didn't think he would) and wanted to go on a date sometime, and see if I would give him another chance. I told him I didn't know (that I had to think about it), and agreed that we could be friends, talk on the phone, occasionally hang out, etc. He agreed that was fine....so for a LONG time first we are going to be "just friends" and get to know each other better. My question is: how do you be friends with someone you have already dated romantically? ESPECIALLY someone you had a lot of feelings for. I really do want to be friends with him, and eventually possibly be more, but how do you do it without "wondering if he's dating other girls (even though he has the right to) and it bothering me"?? I'm sure it would just be easier to just not have him in my life at all, but I really think we could have something good as long as we build a solid friendship first and really get to know each other. But how do you do it without it driving you crazy? And how do you do it without being tempted to just start dating again? PLEASE, any suggestions would be great! Thanks!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 11-21-2004 - 9:27am
People do it all the time, but I don't for the reasons you mentionned...I think the strategy is to have a serious break, not just a couple of weeks before you can assume a platonic friendship. You aren't talking about being friends...you're talking about taking things really slowly and then seeing what if...it's in your objective already...so you aren't in the right frame of things to be his buddy...which you realize because you know that if he meets someone and falls in love/lust you're going to 'feel funny' and not happy for him (as a friend should). And you yourself have gone off the 'market', not actively looking for someone to date.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2004
Sun, 11-21-2004 - 5:10pm
Blondey greetings,
I just posted,didn't see,trying again. Bellina Fair,I can totally relate to your perplexed
worries to now be friends while dating firsthand.A few years back,I started seeing this
superlooking,witty,successful,sweet,funny,fellow,passions first we dated after meeting
at thru friends.He owned his own business(book/artsy store),myself an artist,decorator.
Our physical and intellects matched,dating,passionate kisses and emotions were strong.
Awhile later Peter was going onseminar in London,said super I'll see pack(my native
country),he was suddenly cool on this notion.Saddened but,giving him space away(2 plus
weeks)I agreed. Upon his return we'd chatted lots,laughed then he'd express a desire
to get to know one anotther,take it slower as mates. I didn't show my sadness,once
again to my chagrin agreed.We went in daylight,opposed to romantic moonlit nights,candles,
dinners.Just lunch,museums,shops,casual politeness,niceties.No more of that combustable
fire of kissing,embraces,etc..Later found a German lady,whle onseminar,was lighting his
fire!We'd never bought up being exclusive,was assumed in our mutual romantic expressions,
but never declaring love you outright(ha).We sadly parted,me being a fool,our friendship
trials seemed to overshadow cloudy days in future love aspects.Don't be disheartened by
this.Presently have a great friend,chatting,interests on manylevels,physical appeal,
intellectual,etc..We are very romantically attached as well.You see it can work
to become friends with the right fellow.Follow your heart!Best Wished,Bellina
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