can you call this a relationship???

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
can you call this a relationship???
2
Fri, 10-08-2004 - 8:26am
Hey all,

I have posted here before about my relationship but here goes...i have been "seeing" a guy from my work for just over 3 months now. He is 25, I am 22. Things have gone well, though very slowly. Here is the problem, we are both very busy with work and school (he more so as he works 22 hours a week and takes 6 classes)so we rarely see each other. rarely means once a week if I am lucky. When we see each other, he usually invites me over for the night and then in the morning I go to class or home depending on the day.

When we have little fights, it is most often about not being able to see each other and I usually throw it in his face that we cannot possibly call this a relationship when we don't even see each other and when we do, it is usually just a sleepover. Due to his limited time, we can't really see each other during the day because he is either at class, work or studying...I would like to take this to the next level and begin calling him my boyfriend but I can't even call what we have a "relationship"...

I realize that this isn't a permanent situation and when he graduates and finds a full time job, he will have more free time...he is graduating in 7 months. I am just quite frustrated with the situation and I am not quite sure what to do...should I wait and see what happens or break it off? I am also worried that once he graduates and goes to look for a job, he said that there is a possibility he will look into working in florida (we are in new york). This worries me as well, I dont want to wait 7 months and hang onto this relationship and then realize he is moving to florida...or am i just looking into this too much and chill out? I recently (about 4 months ago) finished a 3 year relationship, so should I be bracing this time to breathe and see where things go? I don't know...any input?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2004
Fri, 10-08-2004 - 8:52am
i would wait and hold out for the next 7 months. so when he graduates he will beable to support you like a man should.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Fri, 10-08-2004 - 9:02am
No sweetie, sorry to say this, but if I were you I would not consider this a relationship. It is a relationship in the sense the at you two are at least " friends" and it's a relationship in the sense that you two are physical. But as far as calling him your man or your boyfriend I would say to pump your brakes on that idea. What I have learned from dealing with men is that they will take what it is that we give them freely.

Whether it be sex, money, a place to live, even kids. But the minute you want to give him your unconditional love in exchange for reciprocity all to often we find that we have been mislead the whole time. Sometimes we are mislead by the man and other times we are mslead by what we interpret him to feel for us. I am not implying that he does not care fot you, I can't make that determination because I do not know him but I will say this.

" We make time for what we deem necessary, and if you are only seeing him once a week for a sleepover, what is apparent to me is that the need to have you around in his day to day life is not as necessary as the once a week jump off" When a man is genuinely smitten by you, you won't have to wonder what is going on. You will be so sure of yourself and what you mean to him that you won't even believe you were ever involved in a relatonship that was so unfullfilling.

Best of luck to you.