Can you trust what he says? Exclusive?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2004
Can you trust what he says? Exclusive?
10
Wed, 04-14-2004 - 7:11pm
Hi all --

I've been seeing someone for about 2 months now. He's a really wonderful guy, treats me very well, and says he really likes me, I'm beautiful, etc. We have a great time when we are together. I am just not sure if I really believe him. I say this because he's still logging onto the website we met through on practically a daily basis. Is he hedging his bets? Should I just not let this bother me until we decide we are exclusive? Am I being WAY too silly and overanalyzing things?? I don't have all that much experience in the dating realm (i.e. technical virgin) but even if I did I wouldn't want to be sleeping with someone who was still dating other women. THoughts?? Any feedback would be appreciated! Thanks!

Sophie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-14-2004 - 7:45pm
Wouldn't you have to be logging on to the same website to notice that he is as well?

If and when you have an exclusivity discussion be sure to include removing dating site profiles etc.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2004
Wed, 04-14-2004 - 8:23pm
No. You don't have to log in to search profiles.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-14-2004 - 9:24pm
I find it very interesting that you have questions about him when you are on the same site searching profiles. The only difference is that he is logging on and you are doing so anonomously. Are you hedging your bets?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2004
Wed, 04-14-2004 - 9:31pm
No. I'm not searching profiles. I've been burned in the past VERY badly. I'm just curious if he's still logging in -- I still can't believe if this guy is for real or not.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-14-2004 - 9:40pm
So in other words you're spying on him. I would guess that very few people involved in adult relationships have never been burned in the past. This does not give us the right to hold new potential partners accountable to our past. If you want exclusivity with him, then ask for it. Then ask for a total disconnect from date sites and make sure you follow the same expecation too.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2004
Wed, 04-14-2004 - 10:18pm
Spying..I'm not sure I agree with you there, but I can see your point of view. In my mind I'm just looking out for my emotional well-being. As for the disconnect advice, good idea. Thanks for your input.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2003
Wed, 04-14-2004 - 10:21pm
sophie:

ok don't log on to see if hes been active on the website. learn ot trust. this is something you have to find within yourself before you get serious. you aren't ready. and i'm not saying this to be mean,but its a fact.

I had issues trusting awhile back, and it was making me crazy when i dated people. Nowadays, I am more relaxed in that area because i worked on my trust issues.

If you look at every guy as "burning" you, then you won't have a very happy dating life.

Things will happen, because they do. People make choices and you can't always control that. But you can control how you deal with certain situations like cheating. But that is much later in a relationship than you are now. Give the guy the benefit of the doubt.

If hes sitll seeing others let him. IMO i think its good for the guy I'm dating to date others. It lets me put myself above the others and really see if we're meant for one another. why i think its good to date others until you decide someone is a good fit for you in a relationship

So, stop logging on, that would drive me nuts :)... and concentrate on you, the fun you have with the new guy... see where it goes.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2004
Thu, 04-15-2004 - 12:13am
I would definitely ask him where he stands in this whole dating thing! Get everything out in the open early so you don't end up getting hurt.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2003
Thu, 04-15-2004 - 10:18am
My feeling is that until you both agree to be exclusive you are both free to see others. So until you have the talk, don't stress yourself out by checking his profile to see if he's been logging in. And when you do have the talk you should address taking down profiles.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2004
Thu, 04-15-2004 - 8:09pm
Thanks everyone for your advice!! You're all right -- I need to stop checking and just trust what is going on. Otherwise I will make myself crazy.

Sophie