Can't figure out if he's interested

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2003
Can't figure out if he's interested
8
Thu, 09-23-2004 - 6:39pm
I met a guy over labor day weekend (2 weeks ago) and we seem to hit it off. We met Friday, then went out Saturday night, spent all day together on Monday, then he called me Tuesday and came over to watch a movie.

Things seemed great! There was no lull in conversation or laughter.

Then we spoke on Wednesday, and on Friday after noon of that week. Again, very fun conversations, where I had to get him off the phone. Oddly though he didn't ask me out for the weekend.

Saturday afternoon I called him about something we had discussed on Friday and we ended up talking for 2 hours. Again, just upbeat fun conversation. Yes, I know I called him which is a no no, but then he got a call in mid conversation and then called me back. ...I didn't ask him to and frankly thought we were just bs'ing so there wasn't a reason to talk anymore unless he wanted to make plans to do something.

This is all in the first week.

Week 2 (last week), we spoke on Wednesday. I called to see if he wanted to come over for dinner since I know he had a bunch of friends and family coming into town on Thur so figured he'd be spending all his time entertaining them. He said he couldn't but then still continued to talk. I half expected to get that feeling one gets when you call a guy who really doesn't want to talk to you, but didn't. Not at all. In fact just the opposite since 2 min into the conversation he had to get off the phone for a work thing and then immediately called me back to talk.

His friends finally left this past Monday night, and Tuesday I saw him in the gym. We spoke briefly then I went on to continue my workout and he his. When we were both done he came up to me and we stood and talked for long time and walked out together. He was flirty, goofing off with me, and I got the impression was still very much interested...except he still didn't ask me to do anything.

I don't get it.

Should I just drop it and assume he's lost interest?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 09-23-2004 - 6:46pm
He's intrested in hanging out and hooking up - not dating and forming a relationship.

Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 09-23-2004 - 7:57pm
Yes, you should, because he has lost interest in pursuing more than a friendship with you (if he ever had more than that...not clear from your post whether the first couple of times you went out were friendly or romantic).

Sorry...as the new buzzwords go (did you see Oprah yesterday?), he's just not that into you. If he were, he'd ask you out. Period.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2003
Fri, 09-24-2004 - 12:44am
So if he starts flirting with me again when he sees me should I just come out and flirtatiously ask "So are you going to ask me out or what?"
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 09-24-2004 - 1:34am
No...if he's into you, he'll ask all on his own. If you do that, you'll never know if he is just being polite or what. He *knows* you're interested...that's not the problem.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 09-24-2004 - 1:07pm
Sheri,

Ever since that SATC episode, that phrase has been tossed around. Frankly, I consider it flip and mean spirited to take a trademark statement from TV show and apply it to someone's personal issue (as small as that issue may be). Why has that saying caught on so? "Sorry he's just not that into you". It's almost as bad as "Talk to the hand".

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 09-24-2004 - 1:24pm
It's funny, I posted on another board (can't remember which one) that I prefer to think in terms of "we're just not right for each other", or "I'm just not what he's looking for"...it's the same lesson, but for me at least, it doesn't have quite the same sting ;-).

But whichever way you think of it, the end result is the same...if he were really interested, available, and emotionally healthy, he'd be asking her out. Many of us on these boards have been preaching that message for years, but it's taken a man writing a book for some women to start getting it. I don't understand why it's such big "news", but apparently it is to many women...did you see Oprah's show????? I couldn't believe what some of those women were holding onto as hope that he was really interested.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 09-24-2004 - 3:11pm
Didn't see the show. But I remember seeing the book in the bookstore. I saw the title and thought "Even if he was a former writer for SATC, couldn't he have at least tried to come up with a more original title?". But I guess maybe the phrase has become so popular, it's helped him with sales. Didn't buy the book, I've pretty much quit buying those self help/dating books. Some of them contain nothing more than common sense and most of them contain complete drivel.

And yes I agree, women spend a lot of energy analyzing what men are doing and deluding themselves into thinking that a disinterested man is really "secretly in love with them".

Avatar for macgyver17
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 09-24-2004 - 4:18pm
DITTO: HE's JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU!