Can't Guys And Girls "Just Be Friends"?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2004
Can't Guys And Girls "Just Be Friends"?
1
Wed, 11-03-2004 - 5:26pm
I am in love with two girls.. but in completely different ways. I met two girls at the same time of last year. The girl I have been dating for over a year I love in a deep romantic way-- we have a solid long-distance relationship. I love the other girl I met too, but in a complete friendship way.

We have grown to respect and admire each other and we get along great-- our personalities match up and we share a very honest and fun friendship-- she, other than my girlfriend, is the only one I can get comfort from-- keep in mind none of this is physical, we only talk either on the phone, or through emails, none of which is secret to my girlfriend.

We have talked through how we feel about each other (a loving friendship) and know our limitations. I think that she is beautiful, but am not attracted to her sexually or romantically because I am truly in love with someone else. She feels the same way. We are very nonchalant and do not flirt or cross any lines-- but my girlfriend envies our friendship, and is jealous that we get along. I would not give up this friendship for anything, but it is starting to cause problems with my girlfriend and I.

My girlfriend feels that a close friendship between a guy and a girl can often lead to something more. I understand this, and honestly would feel the same way if I were in her position, but the thing is, I trust myself and my friend because we have talked about all of this and come to agreements on all of these insecurities my girlfriend has about us.

Also to note, my girlfriend is always the one I go to first whenever I have problems, and I don't spend too much time with my friend either, but when my girlfriend has problems and doesn't feel like comforting, nor want my comfort, I go to my friend.

Is my girlfriend wrong to not trust me with this relationship? I feel she has every right to have concerns, but after I address them... she still feels upset about it.

How can I console her, or help her to accept that I cannot leave my best friend, but that I still very much care and understand her insecurities about the situation?

I have tried talking this through with her many times, and I just feel our communication is lacking resolve. She wishes I would not talk to her, but does not want to be controlling. She tends to make me feel guilty for having a great friendship with a girl, and I find that only damages our relationship needlessly.

Am I out of line here? Is there any way to help resolve this issue or at least come to some middle ground?

-Chris

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2003
Hi Chris!

What a pickle you find yourself in!!

I think it's great that you are open and honest with your girlfriend about this woman friend you have, but have they ever met in person? If not, then maybe it would help matters some. Sometimes all a woman needs is to see for herself.

Just a suggestion...hope it helps!