Can't let go.
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Can't let go.
| Fri, 12-03-2004 - 2:36pm |
I married 'bout 9 years ago for all the wrong reasons(having a child and thinking marriage was the right thing to do). I left my xw have been going through my divorce for over a year and in the middle of all the drama I met THE WOMAN of ALL WOMEN...at least I think so. Our relationship was great!!! I have never felt the way I do for my xgf; lets call her "Judy." She left me in January because she thought I wasn't taking the necessary steps to get my divorce over with. It has been a VERY-VERY bitter divorce and I'm on my second law firm to try and end this part of my life. I miss her so much and she recently sent me an e-mail telling me to realize she is not coming back. We spent 6 months telling each other how much we were so in love and how our meeting was the best thing that could ever happen. Our sons got along great(both 9yrs. old) and the four of us meshed well together. I had to tell my son recently that we would probably never see "Judy" and her son again and he doesn't understand why. I'm finding it hard to tell him the truth about why. He really likes her and I know she loves him a lot. I think about her every day and my heart hurts tremendously. I honestly thought she was going to be my life partner.
I know she got a lot of heat from her son's father when he found out she was dating seriously and my xw did the same. Did she leave because of all the drama? I find myself asking what I did wrong for her to leave me. She couldn't even tell me in person...she called me on the phone and dumped me and e-mailed me to tell me to forget about us. How did she expect us to be just friend after such a powerful realtionship? I would rather shoot myself in the foot rather than be "friends" knowing I want her as much as I do. My thought is it's all or nothing.
I don't want to get over her because I gave her my whole heart and I feel she is afraid to see me in person to give it back. I think she is not making this decision to leave me for the right reasons. I left my wife for the right reasons...it wasn't fair to her to be with her when I didn't have the level of love a husband should have for his wife.
I know she got a lot of heat from her son's father when he found out she was dating seriously and my xw did the same. Did she leave because of all the drama? I find myself asking what I did wrong for her to leave me. She couldn't even tell me in person...she called me on the phone and dumped me and e-mailed me to tell me to forget about us. How did she expect us to be just friend after such a powerful realtionship? I would rather shoot myself in the foot rather than be "friends" knowing I want her as much as I do. My thought is it's all or nothing.
I don't want to get over her because I gave her my whole heart and I feel she is afraid to see me in person to give it back. I think she is not making this decision to leave me for the right reasons. I left my wife for the right reasons...it wasn't fair to her to be with her when I didn't have the level of love a husband should have for his wife.

I empathize with your situation, but I can also see "Judy's" point of view. I would have a hard time seriously dating someone who was not yet divorced. I think the best thing you can do is move forward as quickly as you can with your divorce and let Judy know that you will do so and that you will contact her when your divorce is final. She may move on during that time frame, but if it's meant to be, things will work out between you. Take care of what you need to in order to get the divorce done first though.
Sheri
Bellina sends cheers! I truly can empathtize with you overwhelming feeling of despair in finally finding the love of your life,and then they're gone.I understand her insecurities
too being in this complex matter of messy future divorce.She's feeling torn probably between you and your xwife,a bit insecure though as she should trust you're definitely
ended your marriage,legally.Anyway,all I can say is if she couldn't handle being in the midst of the legality and mess divorce brings,then it's best she moved out.Given time
when things are finalized,if she's still cares for you as much as you love her,you'll be able to rekindle the fire of that love.In the past,I was madly in love with a fellow in Britain(my homeland),and his feelings were mutual,however his divorce was not finalized.I later learned this,as he lied in stating it was done so a year prior.This is what was hurtful to me,and the love of of life,whom I confided my deepest,darkest secrets to betrayed that trust.Unfortunatley,for this our perfect love seemed less so,cooler,trust
was lost,despite him stating he'd never loved anyone like me..Heartbreak,lots of kleenex,tears and distance was all I had to end things.See he said,that due to his child's
welfare,he couldn't finalize things and was compelled to return to her.Said if I could wait alittle longer perhaps,his 6 year old would accept mum and dad can't live together..I knew,in my heart he wasn't leaving his little girl til she was older..he then
said tis best we go our separate ways..as the Elvis song states..Your situation isn't as complex,so don't give up,but finalize things first(in a divorce).Best wishes,Bellina be happy!