Can't Let Go

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2004
Can't Let Go
3
Sun, 08-22-2004 - 8:26pm
Dear Dating Doyenne:

I dated a guy for about 6 months quite seriously and he cheated on me. I broke up with him, telling him that this was not something that I was willing to tolerate. We had absolutely no contact whatsoever for about 3 months, at which point I conceded to see him again after he repeatedly promised that he had changed and that he had just been "scared" before. As soon as I gave in he closed himself off and we went through another period of no contact. Lately he has been calling me again and I am hearing through mutual friends that he is still crazy about me and is so sorry for what has happened in the past and how much he has changed. I am not over him; I think I am hanging onto the hope that he really will change someday and this is preventing me from moving on. I really want to trust him, and want to believe that this could work but I am just so scared to believe him again and be crushed again. Can people really change or do they just pretend temporarily and hurt you all over again? How do I let go?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 5:00pm
People don't change unless they want to. And people don't want to change what's working for them. If this guy wasn't treating you well once, there is a 99% chance he'll be the same always. It's best to find some guy who's worth his salt.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2004
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 5:13pm
Well I for one am not one of those people who cries "Once a cheat always a cheat" I think along those lines that things happen. You have to decide that if you do give him a second chance are you going to be able to trust him while he is out with the guys or is it going to worry you sick that it may happen again? It is hard to trust someone who has "strayed" I have been on both ends of this one, and it is not easy. Go with what you gut tells you, but be careful, he may just want you because he can't have you and he knows he messed up. The only one person that knows what he really wants is him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 6:04pm
Whenever I hear about guys using the excuse that they cheated, or can't commit because they are "scared", I get this vivid picture in my mind of a silly rabbit running around squeaking, "Oh dear, oh dear, it's not my fault, I can't help it, I'm just a scared little bunny rabbit!" I'd have a whole lot more respect for a guy if he admitted that he was wrong, and that there was NO excuse for his behavior. A guy who makes excuses like that will likely use the same excuse or something equally lame in the future. It is possible for a cheater to change, but I really don't think that guys who make excuses are a good bet.