Can't stand the idea of being a rebound

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2004
Can't stand the idea of being a rebound
1
Tue, 08-03-2004 - 12:36am
Hi Sherry-

About 3 weeks ago I broke up with my boyfriend from 7 months who I deeply love and care for. It has been a very hard time for me to adopt to the idea of not having him around. Basically, when we meet it felt like love at first sight it was great for the first 4 months, we got along great all his friends loved me, sex was great. Then suddenly, we stopped having sex, he would sleep over and that was about it SLEEP, in the beginning I though it was me, so I tried to seduce him as much as I could, then one day (after 2 1/2 months of this situation) I asked him if he was seeing someone else, he got very emotional and said that since we first went out it had been an exclusive relationship from his side, but that he was still heartbroken from his past relationship which ended about 1 1/2 year (according to him, she treated him terribly). He asked me to keep on seeing each other and we did, I undertood the no sleeping together matter and we kept on seeing each other. However, it got to a point in which no matter how nice and undertanding i was, it was obvious he wouldn't let me in ... no matter what i do i knew that i couldn't help him. So i explain this at our breakup, and we decided to give each other some time... I'm trying not to have any hopes in him coming back ... but I'm so heartbroken right now I wonder if i took the right decision.... should i keep a hope for him to come back?? how do i get myself to be interested in other guys if i think about him 24/7 ... i dreamed about him....it is really scaring me how much i really love him.... after we broke up he send me an email telling me how wonderful i was and how thankful he was for all the patience and love i gave him... I never replied... we haven't communicate since then....

Is it possible for him to come back and give us a chance? or from your experience is it better for us not to even try??

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-03-2004 - 8:48am
msdc78...

Pianoguy would NEVER speak on behalf of Sherry, but would it be okay to share a thought or two from a man's perspective?

The more you love someone...the more vulnerable you become. And if a "great friendship, partnership or relationship" suddenly dissolves...it's like being whacked in the head by a speeding baseball! IT HURTS LIKE CRAZY!

But consider this...

Men and women occasionally need time and space. Sorting our emotions out isn't easy for many of us...and there's probably a little confusion on your b/f's side as to what he actually wants from you and the relationship you had together?

Believe it or not...SEX isn't always our #1 desire. Many of us count on a woman for comfort, companionship, reassurance and occasionally...just a hug! So if you were bothered by the fact that the 2 of you were just 'sleeping together' side-by-side...and not doing anything...err...sexually, I guess this could become a major issue if you ever wanted to have a child or two together?

Not knowing how long the 2 of you have been apart...Pianoguy suggests that you continue the separation for at least 30 days (possibly more) without any communication. After this, you can make the attempt 'to break the ice' with a phone call, email or even a nice (but not mushy) snail mail greeting card? Include a short note inside. These gestures WON'T guarantee a response from him, but at least YOU made an effort to rekindle the relationship.

If you get nothing in the way of a response---get past the hurt and try to move forward! You might not want to get serious with anybody else for awhile (which is OKAY)...but don't shut yourself off from friends or would-be admirers because....I'LL BET YOU HAVE SEVERAL?

Hugs and warm thoughts from...

Pianoguy