Can't tell if he is gay!
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Can't tell if he is gay!
| Tue, 12-06-2005 - 10:15pm |
Hi, this is my first time posting on a message board-EVER! I am really confused and would love to hear your opinion. I've been dating a guy for almost 3 months now, and he has verbally said he is very fond of me and would like me to be his girlfriend. The problem is--I have doubts that he may be gay. He is shy and reserved and I've become more animated than my usual self to over-compensate. He said he had two long-term romance before but didn't date a lot. I often see in his eyes that he is attracted to me. Everytime we end out date he hugged me really tight and asked for a kiss(but he is not a good kisser at all). BUT, he moves his body in a very feminie way...When he sits, he crosses hie leg or keeps his legs together and hands held together a lot. HE is also very soft-spoken. I don't want to offend anyone, and he is a really good guy too. I just don't want him to be in denial and try to date me for the wrong reasons. He has suggested that he wants intimacy(sex) but I don't want to have sex until I know he is capable of a relatinosip with me. Is ther a way to find out without offending him? I mena, do I really have to ask him that question face to face? Help!!!

You're so fixated on waht he might be - you can't see the facts.
The guy doesn't turn you on. Nothing you wrote says "I admire his character, or I respect his intelligence, or his body is a turn on."
Everything you said is done in clinical review.....yo've gotten to the point in dating that you don't care if the share your intrests, or turn you on - as long as there is some 'guarantee' that sex is going to mean forever in your life.
Oh my god.......really re-read that. YOu're so desperate for a guarnatee that arelationship will meet yoru needs and expectations, that you've ceased to care if you like, are turned on by, or share common interests with th eperson. YOu're now negotiating a contractual job basd on yoru needs - for your benefit.
Get over it. The guy doesn't turn you on. So why are you bothering?
Let's say he's not gay...that he's shy and reserved, he hasn't had much dating experience, he was in primarily "business" type relationships just lik eyou're proposing, there wasn't alot of sexual intimacy so he doesn't really have much sexual or kissing experience.
Nothing you've dsaid indicates either of you know how to do anyting but call, go to dinner, go to a movie, have undefined nad unrealistic expectations and needs, stare frustratedly at one another...and then peck and part at the door.
That's not dating....that's simply "activity".
Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com
After reading your post I kind of chuckled.. Not because it was funny but because I was sort of faced with the same situation a month or so back. I went out a few times with this cop, he was incredibly gorgeous, great place, great car, lots of money, could cook...umm shaved his legs, arms, had his penis pierced twice and couldn't kiss to save his life.
My mom had even made a joke about him being gay. It makes you wonder.
Best of luck & keep us updated.
Oh & P.S. the other poster was right about what she said about it being an activity instead of dating.. that is so true. If you aren't attracted to someone & you don't have common interests, whats the point? I know its nice to have someone to date but it obviously has to come to an end sometime.
juju1231...
Pianoguy thinks you have at least two issues here:
1. The question about this gentleman's sexual preference...and
2. KISSING INSTRUCTIONS???
If you're in a "rush to have sex"----then this might be ISSUE #3?
In the first case....3 months is an adequate amount of time to ask if the man wants a good friendship? Or something more SERIOUS with you? And the only way to find out is to ASK HIM!
Issue #2....most of the smart women I know...aren't afraid to tell a man how they wished to be kissed? And some of them can be PRETTY DAMN EXPLICIT! So if you don't particularly care for this man's...err...'lack of kissing experience'...show him what makes YOU comfortable!
The sex thing you should put "on hold" until the above issues are discussed and (hopefully) RESOLVED to your satisfaction???
Pianoguy
I have also been in this situation more than once.
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Hi Jilly,
Thank you for your posting, you are right in everyway and I know you do understand. I also believe he deserves someone that suits him better. I was trying too hard....Hearts got broken by the "manly men" too many times, and I no longer trust my choice of men....But I admit, he just doesn't feel right for me, not for a lifetime....I just didn't think it'd be so hard, to find someone I can share my life with and start a family. To me it is sad and I am losing hope. But, it is what it is.
Thank you again.
Oh hon, try not to lose hope.
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