Cautiously dating...am I nuts
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|Tue, 03-12-2013 - 5:54pm|
Ok so I have been dating...met many nice men, but none have really swept me off my feet. Honestly, I am maintaing my standards and not waivering and really have been dating just to figure out exactly what it is I am actually want. So about 4 months ago I made a list of my standards. I made a list of personality traits I required, such as: Respectfulness, Honesty, Confident (those are required) and must have any two of the following: Optimist, ambitious, Adventurous, Intelligent, Cultured and Responsible. I understand no one will have them all, but I think the top 3 plus any two from the last part would make a nice man. I listed my physical traits, such as: age, hygeine, humor, etc. Then listed the activities that he must enjoy (or be willing to try). I have done my homework, and think that I got it figured out...since I made this list the quality of the men I started dating went through the roof, becasue I was open to dating anyone that 'qualified' on my list. I found myself dating men I would have previously not gone out with, but found them great.
Now comes the REAL question & backstory!
I was married twice...yes, I made two bad decisions...hence the reason I am asking for advice now! :) When I married my first husband, his best friend was our best man, his then wife was my maitron of honor, and thier daughter was our flower girl and thier son was our ring bearer. The four of us were inseperable...we went EVERYWHERE together. Double dates, family vacations, everything! I watched thier kids, etc. Well my friend began cheating on her husband, and I told her I did not approve. He was a very nice man, and provided for thier family. He was a long distance truck driver and was not at home all the time. Maybe 4 days a month. They divorced. My then husband and I remaied close friends with him, as we did not approve of her cheating on him. He still visited and hung out with us, granted a little less becasue he was dating new women and stuff. But we were all still friends. Then I got divorced and he remarried...he hasnt spoken to my ex in 4 or 5 years. So we lost touch, until about 5 years ago. We ran into each other at a daycare center, because I remarried and had a child and he had two children by his new wife. We were so happy to see each other (friends of course) and it was really nice to see such a good friend. I also moved 12 hours away in this time, which was another reason we lost touch. I have since moved back, thus we ran into each other.
We became friends on Fabebook and he is NEVER on there...lol...I don;t think many men are anyway. So I am now divorced and he is married...I see him on facebook with a wall post that he is bored...I posted where is the wife and kids...he replied back that he is divoricng. I give him my sympothies and private message him my number and said if he wants to get out sometime let me know. Well we texted for 3 days straight, agreed to go out to dinner one Wednesday night...and that is all she wrote...we have been inseperable since. We get along so well. We talked about both our first marriages (we were there thorgh both) and he summaraized why I divorced my 1st better than I ever have done! I was floored, and was like dang! We talked about our 2nd marriages and it was like we married a male and female clone of each other...controlling abusive people. I have known him for over 20 years, and feel that I know him better than any other man (other than my ex husbands of course) than I have known another man...including my own father.
My ex husband hates that we are dating. My oldest has known him all his life and loves that we are dating...my youngest went to school with both his kids, too.
We enjoy the same activites, we are both laid back people, and we get along very well always have.
My divorce is not final, and my ex says he will be dragging this out for years....been a year already...I am so over the relationship, and my therpaist told me last year I was ok to date...and my guy friend will not be divorced until the first week of May.
So with all this info, do you feel we are moving to fast? Should I care that we have been so close for 20 years or is that a bonus? I guess I just want to hear what others think...I am being very cautious about dating. The most dates I have been on is 8 with one man...I have been out with this guy EVERYDAY for exactly 6 weeks now.