Cheaping out on his mom???

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2003
Cheaping out on his mom???
2
Mon, 05-03-2004 - 10:21am
Hey everyone! Maybe I'm overeacting, but my s/o did something yesterday that really turned me off- but I don't know if I'm outta line. I'm trying to be more rational, so I never let on that his actions bothered me. I feel I have no right, to be honest.

My s/o is 32 years old, he has a decent job, he makes a decent living, fyi. But I am starting to realize that he doesn't part with a buck easily, and I'm becoming concerned- as he wants to become more serious (as in wants a lifetime committment by next year). I AM BY NO MEANS A HIGH MAINTAINENCE, MATERIALISTIC PERSON. Trust me. But I do believe in giving small tokens of affection here & there (flowers, trinkets, planned dates, etc.)- from which with him, I get absolutely none, EVER. Even though the subject came up 2 months ago and he said he would work on it.

Anyway, we came accross a store of collectibles in the mall yesterday, and we noticed an item that his mother (whom he is very close to) collects. He said, "Oh, I have to get my mom something for Mothers Day anyway." He checked the price and it was $50.00- and he practically gasped. I was just like, "You don't think your mom is worth $50.00?" He was like, "Oh she doesn't need that, I usually just get her flowers from a stand". Then he was like (probably sensing that I was turned off)..."Oh maybe I'll come back later this week and get it" which I know he can't, he has no time- I know this for a fact.

I guess this scenerio bothers me because I'm actually starting to wonder if he is a cheapskate; I've been suspecting it for some time. I mean, he wouldn't speand $50 on his OWN MOTHER??? It's not like he doesn't have it. I know what some of you are going to say.....,"Well how does he TREAT YOU?" And to that I'd say- good. We are happy; no drama, we have trust, we have fun while we are together- which isn't that much due to his hectic schedule.

But his lack of romance and thoughtfulness- PLUS HIS LACK OF TIME FOR ME IN ITSELF have me wondering more and more, if I could get treated better elsewhere. They always say; Look at how a guy treats his mother"- and well, I was pretty turned off yesterday.

Does anyone out there understand where I am coming from?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2004
Mon, 05-03-2004 - 12:06pm
Well i somewhat do. My boyfriend and i have been dating for 4 months and last month it was my birthday and guess what he got me nothing, not even card. i was so upset he said that he didn't have any money which is fine but he knew about my birthday for months and he could'ent afford 1.50 for a card, give me a break. I keep bringing it up in sarcastic remarks, about how he still has a chance to make it up to me but like i said it has been over a month since my birthday and still no card or nothing. i am so angry and p***ed! but i can't let that be the reason we split. I really don't know how else to handle it.

Anyway in regards to your situation there isn't much you can do, you will completly insult him if that is brought up. I guess the only thing that you can do is decide whether or not this is a big enought deal for a split. That is what we are discussing. Anyhow it might not be that bad. He soundsl ike a good enough guy and if he treats you right and you are happy, than live with it. Everyone has got faults, no one is perfect and that is his.

Try and get past it, for your sake, for your happinness.

Good luck

Carrie

Avatar for unsure4now
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Registered: 07-02-2003
Mon, 05-03-2004 - 2:35pm
Yeah, you're right. I am glad that I kept my mouth shut further. He just called me at work and said that he is going to the mall during his work break tomorrow and getting it for her; it was a good idea after all. He said his mom isn't into gifts at all (I laughed and said "are you SURE....she is a woman"!), but he realizes that she would really like it for her collection.

He must have sensed that I was taken back yesterday. He just said that he wanted to make sure that is what he would definitely get her. Whatever the case, I'm glad he thought about it. A mom as nice as his (she really is a great woman) deserves a decent little gift on Mothers Day, and I feel better about him now.