cheating? needs some honest input help..

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2005
cheating? needs some honest input help..
7
Tue, 12-27-2005 - 8:10am

Help need some honest advice..BF has been getting a lot of text and phone calls from a girl he used to mess around (before me) for the last week and a half. (When we started dating about a year ago she used to call and text all the time too but he said she stoped doing that and I did not notice their being any calls from her She calls private most of the time and also like 4 or 5 times an hour.) He said he saw her out about the time she started calling him and this was during the time that we were fighting. He did not hide it and told me she was calling and played some of the voicemails to me that she had left him. He told me he told her to stop texting and calling him but she still calls about a million times a day. He tells me he does not pick up her calls (especially never around me) but he does seem to know a lot about what is going on with her life for not talking to her ever. Example last nite (at 12:30am) she called in front of me from a private number he did not answer he played the message with her saying "Hi i was just thinking about you cant sleep I will be home tommorrow tommorrow nite and the next day because dont have a car call me when your not busy bye." I asked why she does not have a car and he said she got into a car accident in which I asked how did he know and he said she talks to his voicemail like it is him and she left it on a message. Know some messages this week had said she wants to see him, why is he not picking up the phone, and to get rid of GF for the nite. He is with me every nite and the only time he is not with me is while I am at work and he never gave me any reason to think he was cheating except for the phone calls. It is really begining to eurk me and it is getting under my skin in the worst way and I told him that. I am not insecure at all but my point is why would any women keep calling a man repeatedly everyday for over a week if he paid her no attention, did not answer her calls ever, and when he did he told her he has a girlfriend and to stop calling? What do you think? Is he cheating? or not? what is going on and how do I stop this?

Edited 12/27/2005 8:13 am ET by jrck123




Edited 12/27/2005 8:16 am ET by jrck123
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Tue, 12-27-2005 - 8:33am

He must be getting something from listening to all those voicemails. If somebody with whom I didn't want to speak kept calling me I would use the phone feature that allows one to block people that privatize their phone numbers....or change my number.

Boyfriend isn't doing this so he is either listening carefully to the messages or talking to her. Ask him to quit talking to her and block her calls, this is bothering you (as it would anybody). If he doesn't then you know where you stand.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Tue, 12-27-2005 - 8:39am
Tell him to block her number if he has any respect for you or your relationship. She says things like "I am thinking about you", now that's no friend talk, and the fact that she is telling him "I am home tomorrow night, call me"...If your bf doesn't want her calling him, he can block the number, period. I do not believe he has cheated on you, since he is so open and honest about the other woman calling him, but he must enjoy the attention. Just my 2cents.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Tue, 12-27-2005 - 8:51am

Well it doesn't mean he's cheating but he's obviously not made it that clear that she's not welcome to call.

Who knows why people keep calling, either he is communicating with her and encouraging her behavior or she's just one of those girls that can't take a hint.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2005
Tue, 12-27-2005 - 1:35pm

But I just dont understand how any women would obsessively just start calling a guy over and over (she has even been texting him pictures of her self just about naked to him) if he was not paying her any attention or talking to her in someway. I dont know if I thnk he is cheating but I know that I could not do what she is doing especailly if he is not paying any attention to me or not answering me or basically rejecting me by saying he has a girlfriend. It just seems so weird to me. She is just really putting herself out there and I just cant see anyone doung that without some incentive or reaction out of it. How do I get this to stop? I just dont think I can deal with her doing this for monthes and monthes again. She did this when we first started dating all the time and it bothered me then too.

I kinda think he has a double standered here too. See when one of my guy friends texted me a text saying that he just wanted to tell me how beautiful that I looked that day my bf got angry and made me call up my friend in front of him to tell him that my bf was not happy with that text and not to text me like that anymore. He said if I did not do it I did not respect him and that I must be seeing him or something. He said that if I didnot do it he was going to end things with me. (he is just a friend and nothing more and this girl texts she wants to be with him and pictures of her self and call obsessively). When I told him to tell this girl to knock it off when she first started he wouldn't answer her calls. He also would not tell her infront of me to stop calling him. He said he texted it to her and he called her when I was out one day to tell her to stop it. Needless to say my guy friends do not call me like that nor text me anymore but this girl still does what do I do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Tue, 12-27-2005 - 2:53pm

<>


This is not about the woman, this is about your boyfriend. People don't usually continue behavior unless they receive a response they like. My guess is that your boyfriend has not made it completely clear that she should cease contact with him. Don't blame her... she's only a reflection of what he allows.


Is he cheating? I'm not sure... all I know is that if he were being honest and upfront, I do not believe this issue would be rearing its head again.


Keep us posted.



iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Tue, 12-27-2005 - 3:00pm

Most "normal" people wouldn't but obsessive/stalker type people would. But I agree, I think your boyfriend is giving her some incentive even if it's just "oh your picture is pretty" or something like that, it's reinforcement for her to stop.

If your boyfriend pulls the old double standard, then I think it's time to sit down and discuss expectatations in regards to friends dialogue, texting, phone calls to you that you both expect.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Tue, 12-27-2005 - 3:28pm
We've all told you what you need to do, now go do it. Otherwise don't expect this lady to stop calling.