Checking girls out in front of me

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2004
Checking girls out in front of me
3
Fri, 10-15-2004 - 1:20pm
One of the things I'm finding out about my boyfriend is that he tends to have a wondering eye sometimes. There's been a few times when I've caught him looking at other girls when I'm with him, or at least I thought he was.

And then there's the times we're watching tv and some girl in a cheerleading costume comes on, or some other slutty looking girl, and he'll stop everything and say something like "oooh" under his breath, when I'm sitting right next to him.

Is this a normal guy thing? I know men are visual but do other guys really do this in front of their girlfriends? (We live together)

It really has been bothering me, especially when I'm right there. I feel like he's sizing me up to them, and it makes me feel so ugly and unattractive. Also do you think guys like that are more likely to cheat? I think a large reason it upsets me so much is because my ex cheated on me many times. When I found out about it, I felt like I wasn't good enough for him.

And I never know what to say to him about it. I want to ask him if he's more attracted to them than me, if he really does think I'm pretty...but I don't know how.

I told him the other day after he said something that I was going to start doing the same thing to him with guys I saw on television.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Fri, 10-15-2004 - 1:34pm
I agree with you 100%, it is so inconsiderate to be doing that in front of you. Of course men (as women do) look at the opposite sex but staring and making sounds is totally a HUGE no no.

Talk to him, tell him how it makes you feel. If he respects you and your feelings then he will keep his thoughts to himself. You don't deserve to be treated like that, espcially since you were hurt once before. I don't know about looking at other girls making him a cheater, but yes I would be aware of it. I think it is so disrespectful for a guy to do that and if the guy I have been seeing for several months now (nothing serious) was to do that, I would ballistic on him...talk to him, tell him it makes you feel like he isnt attracted to you and it hurts you. If he refuses to stop doing it in front of you,I'd think about getting rid of him before he hurts you big time
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2004
Fri, 10-15-2004 - 2:10pm
This probably seems like a stupid question, but does joking about porn fall into the same catagory?

He used to watch porn all the time before we met, he says he hasn't watched it since, and I believe him even though he still has a huge stack of it, but he just jokes about it out of no where.

It just keeps reinforcing this feeling in my mind that he has this 'ideal image' of these slutty girls, and even though we do have this good relationship (kind of like he's my bestfriend and my boyfriend) each time he does something like this it seems I dwell for longer and longer on it, it almost feels like he's slapped me in my face.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Fri, 10-15-2004 - 2:15pm
i think porn is different because it is not a realistic situation...i don't mind my guy watching porn because he only does it to "get off" on it. It is a different issue if he watches it and makes sounds about how hot the girls are. it depends how you feel about it tho, some women find it really disrespectful and hurting for their man to be watching porn. He may fantasize about slutty girls, which you might not know about it...if yes then he needs to keep it to himself. You do have the right to feel hurt about his comments tho, the porn is a little borderline in my opinion...