Clueless and don't want to be mean
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Clueless and don't want to be mean
| Thu, 12-28-2006 - 1:38pm |
Ok, I am in the middle of a divorce (seperated for 10 months) and don't know where else to turn to ask this question. I have been seeing this guy for 2 months now and sometimes I really like being with him but other times he just annoys me so bad I don't even look forward to going home because I know he's coming up. He's there everyday after I get home from work, then leaves to go to work a few hours later. The thing is, he wants to stay all night on the weekends. I am not ready for that and I have told him I am not ready. Still, on Friday and Saturday nights he just wont leave until I have to be rude. I'll say, "Well, I'm going to bed now" And he says, "What's your point?" Then lays down on me on the couch. He's really good with my 2 year old son, has a good head on his shoulder, college graduate, 2 jobs. Nice guy. But sometime's he is smothering me! In his Christmas Card he wrote Love, then his name. And he's told my Mom that he could see himself marrying me one day. I don't want to ruin this if it could something good but I'm tired of making up excuses that I'm doing something just to get some "me" time. Please help me and tell me what to do. I don't want to mean because he works with my mom and she has to see him every night. So, if I do break up with him, how do I do it so I'm not wrecking their relationship? Thanks so much and I'm sorry this is so long!!!

Why don't you just *tell him* you want to spend some time alone? Why don't you just *tell him* to leave at night when it's time to go to bed?
Honestly, you can't expect him to read your mind, and it's not being "mean," you're just telling him how it is. Besides all that, at two months of dating, you should still be DATING, like making dates, going out together, and going your seperate ways after it's over - not living together.
You've got to grow some cajones and put your foot down here!
Just because he says he can see himself marrying you someday, doesn't mean that he is "THE" guy for you. I mean, at 2 months, he's still in the infatuation stage and he really knows nothing about you and how you live your life. He should be taking this time to get to know you and letting you get to know him. It sounds like he's forcing his presence on you.
I mean, TWO MONTHS and he's there EVERY day?? This would drive me insane!
Also, your mother's relationship with him is her problem, not yours. If you break up with him, I'm sure he'll be disappointed, but if he takes it out on your mother, then he's got serious problems. You have to do what's best for YOU, not for this guy, or your mother. That said, there is NO way you're going to be able to break up with him and have him feel good about it. You can be as gentle as can be - he's still going to be disappointed. Since you're not yet divorced, I'd go with the "not ready for a relationship" deal.
You may also, in the future, want to reconsider having a man around your son if it's not going to be a permanent thing. It can be damaging to your child to meet man after man. I made this very mistake and if I could go back in time, things would be very different.
Bottom line - if you like this guy, tell him he's smothering you and that you want to take things more slowly. I mean, you should be dating around at this point. You're not even divorced yet! If he can't respect that, show him the door. I'd be showing him the door right now!
Is there some sort of "nice" award you are trying to win? This guy is taking full advantage of you. You are his personal entertainer, he may not even have a place to live because he is staying at your house, and he also is cheap.
If your mother feels that this is the only man out there that will "like" you, then she needs her head examined.
Tell this man that you need your space.