Co-worker - friendly or flirty?
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| Fri, 08-18-2006 - 7:02pm |
I am not sure if this is the right board....if not do direct me to the right place.
Here's the issue...
I have been working at this place since the last 3 weeks. There is this IRC system at work whereby everyone gets to communicate online. We can see each others id's and message whoever we want to. One person in particular always says hi and chats with me. We have never met in person. He works in the same office. He has seen me though, but I don't remember even seeing him. Anyways, so in-between working he just asks me general questions like what plans for the weekends, what I like to do, and to let him know if I need any help at work etc etc. He also shares info from his side, like what his plans are etc etc. Anyway, today I got a bit of a surprise when he said he plans to go to a bookstore to read, and I replied honestly that that was great, I like that bookstore too. Aftersome time he writes if I'd like to meet up with him there for some chit-chat if I am not occupied. I just told him I have plans but I will keep his idea in mind. Then after some time, he says "Maybe I can walk you to your car today so this way we get to meet?" I was surprised again. And I declined that too...saying I leave much early and that perhaps some other would be good. After some time he says "but remember I am going to find you!"
I laughed to show good humor, but I was really confused inside.
Okay, someone please tell me....is this okay? What's the protocol here.
I really don't know what his intentions are.
He is certainly being nice and friendly and talking politely to me. Nothing out-of-taste. But what should I be doing here? Agree to his meet-up thingie after work, or keep declining politely?
Thanks very much.

I participate on a few message boards, and over the years have forged several private message friendships with people I have something in common. On occasion I have met people and actually one of my very best friends was someone I met in a similar fashion on a board. He's been a great friend for about 7 years, which is a long time.
However, a word of warning. Some of these people who IM, or private message people they don't know are often doing the same thing to several people. There is nothing wrong with this, but yoiu need to understand this guy might be using the IRC system as sort of a dating service, and one of his targets might be you.
People can be very different in person as opposed to hiding behind email. If you don't wish to meet this guy then don't do it. Tell him you are busy, or you have a boyfriend.
If you are curious why don't you offer to meet him at the company cafeteria for a cup of coffee. You might feel a little safer surrounded by the loving company of your coworkers in case this guy is a little strange. I'd do this before agreeing to a less occupied bookstore or, God forbid, parking lot. And no, you probably don't need protection from a stranger to walk you to your car in the company parking lot, if you need assistance I am sure your company has a security staff that can provide it.
Hm..Thanks for the reply chamey101. I was initially feeling good that this co-worker is friendly, and perhaps just trying to make me feel comfortable because I am new. But I am starting to wonder what is prompting his friendliness. Don't know if I am being paranoid. Yes, I agree, it is better to meet him somewhere in the company, rather than outside at this stage. I don't know his motives! If he is interested in dating, then isn't there a policy where we cannot date colleugues. Why is he even attempting? Do I wanna fall prey to that? Yes, thank god I did not agree to the walking me to the car offer. Who knows what he had in mind. I have also read that co-workers are NOT friends. And we have to be very careful what we tell co-workers. So I am just finding this extremely uncomfortable, and even when I meet him, I don't even know what I should be saying and what I should not be. Never been in such a situation.
You will have to check with your company about its policies, but dating coworkers is a really bad idea. Go with your gut on this. I doubt you are paranoid. Coworkers can be your friends but they can stab you in the back as well. I would hate to see you meet this guy somewhere and then have him start some intraoffice rumors about you, or be one of many ladies he stalks on the IRC system. He seems to know what you look like so that might be why he is being extrafriendly.
Better safe than sorry.
Thanks..
So today (I work weekends), he messaged me some personal questiosn like why no BF, and whether I date often!! So do we presume that he is interested? Anyways, so I asked him back coz I was curious to know if he was married or not, and he said that he is single, and he has been picky and doesn't wanna just settle, but he does miss spending time with someone. At the end of the day, he came by my desk to say hi! Well, thank god he finally did that. Upon meeting him, I felt a lot safer for some reason, than how I had felt online. He seemed very nice.
He stood there talking to me just for a min or so...but said we should meet up next week. And like a fool I immediately nodded and said "yeah, sure", without even thinking. Well, I really don't know what to do anymore. Yes, I need to be really careful. I can't just trust someone just because they are being friendly.
By asking such a personal question in a work environment you can assume he has dating on his mind. You need to decide whether you want to date a man with whom you work. It was nice for him to come by and introduce himself, but he should have done so earlier before he started asking those highly personal questions.
If he wants to "meet up", meet up with him in the company cafeteria so you can get to know him much better before agreeing to any type of date.
Yeah....I should do that.
And I agree, why didn't he just come by earlier? He knew where I sat, I was surprised to know.
If it were a social group situation with colleugues, or even an outing with a girl co-worker, it would have been a different scenario, but this certainly smacks of something else.
Even when he shook hands with me, it seemed a tad longer than necessary.
Let's see...
I just hv to be really careful. He might be nice outside, but one doesn't know one's actually character without giving it some time.
Another thing is that he is of a different race....like totally different! We'd hv nothing in common! I had always imagined ultimately being with someone from my own country and culture. I wonder if even letting this START is a good idea, because I am not into short-term things that might lead nowhere. Should I let him know that upfront i.e IF I get the feeling that he is interested in dating?
Thanks...
You said that you were not
I agree with Alison, tell him that you aren't comfortable dating coworkers but it is nice that he is friendly.
He will probably go away on his own.