college girl needs dating advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2005
college girl needs dating advice
1
Wed, 10-05-2005 - 12:12pm

I'm a sophomore and I live on a college campus. In highschool and freshman year I always had an exclsusive boyfriend. I've spent most of the past 2 years as a taken girl. The most recent bf and I just broke up this month. I'm only 19 and have never really dated, I've just had relationships. I think at this point the best thing for me to do is get to know new people. Like non-exlusive dating (no sex or anything), just innocent, get to know you fun and if it turns into something more, fine. There are a few guys I'm just interested in getting to know. It's a small campus and I'm worried about:

a) my ex who is my friend finding out and flipping, ruining our friendship and my ability to hang out with our mutual friends

b) giving guys I'm dating the wrong idea about my willingness to commit. I don't want to hurt anyone.

c) the guys finding out about eachother (but then again I dont want to be sleezy and lie . . .)

d) and how to initiate knowing these guys, hanging out, and dates. I'm getting to know one guy now but I'm really trying to learn about new people and figuring out what I want so I'd like to get to know a couple other decent guys too.

Advice anyone? It'd be much appreciated. Thanks!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 10-05-2005 - 3:52pm

oddlyem...

Pianoguy thinks you have one of the MOST INTERESTING IVILLAGE NAMES that he has ever encountered on these boards.

Let's take all 4 of your questions individually....okay?

a. Your EX has absolutely no say or control in your life ANY LONGER. That's why he's your EX! Make it clear to your 'mutual friends' that the 2 of you are no longer together, but that YOU REALLY TREASURE THE FRIENDSHIPS YOU HAVE WITH THEM. Then it's up to them if they wish to stay in touch...or drop you because your EX is acting like an idiot!

b. Emphasize the fact that you think that a GOOD FRIENDSHIP is terrific and that you DON'T WANT TO BECOME SERIOUS WITH ANYBODY RIGHT NOW! If the guys you're dating have a problem with this...then politely tell 'em: "I'll see you around the campus!"

c. Unless you've made one of these relationships you're currently in...EXCLUSIVE...you shouldn't worry about the reactions. One thing though....if you're being a "tease" and complimenting all your b/f's about stuff that you HONESTLY DON'T BELIEVE...you'll eventually be the one without a date on a Saturday night! The last thing you want is a reputation for being a LIAR or A TEASE! !

d. Emphasize the fact that YOU WANT TO BE FRIENDS....but NOT GET SERIOUS! Take an interest in the men who seem to be interested in you. Some will want you to make a commitment, while others will just be content to hang out and enjoy your company.

Most of us are decent when it comes to getting to know, love and respect a woman. It's the few 'bad apples' that can ruin a friendship. .

Pianoguy