Comments about other women

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2006
Comments about other women
4
Sat, 11-25-2006 - 10:24am

I just started dating an old friend of mine, and things are going great. He is a great guy, very sweet and kind to everyone, and he takes wonderful care of me. We have so much fun together, and the chemistry is sooo good.
However, i do have one problem (dont we all)

He mentions how hot other girls are, in passing and usually when his buddies are around. Like an 'oh man, she is so hot!' or 'she has fine (insert whatever here)'
Ive never dated a guy who said that stuff in front of me. Yes, i know men will say it, but i dont want to hear it! The thing is, he is oblivious. I am fully aware that a guy could do this to make the girl jealous or insecure, but he is really unaware.
Also, sometimes he will mention an old girl (space) friend, like the one girl who went down on him at a party. I dont want to meet her!!! But she hangs out with his group and im afraid it will eventually happen. I know they never dated, but i dont want to be nice to her, i dont even want to see her.
so here are my questions:
should i have to put up with his comments about other women in front of me?
how do i nicely tell him, getting the point across but not being too weird or posessive? (we just started dating)

its just very offensive to me, and i wish he would be a bit more considerate.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
Sat, 11-25-2006 - 10:52pm

If you feel uncomfy with his comments, and I would, please set him straight. You don't have to be rude about it, but you do have to tell him otherwise you'll be uncomfy for as long as you date him.

I'd tell him that "I don't care for those comments so please stop making them when we're together" OR "I'd appreciate it very much if you refrain from making such comments in my presence because they make me uncomfortable" OR a much more straight one "I don't care what you do when I'm not around, but please don't make those comments when we're together".

If he continues to make them I'd think that his character is one that allows him to ignore and disrespect your feelings.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 11-26-2006 - 9:37am

dingobat14..

PG thinks the solution to your dilemma is simple:

ASK YOUR B/F TO STOP REFERENCING OTHER MEMBERS OF YOUR GENDER!

If he doesn't...you can bet he's pulling the same VERBAL C-R-A-P around other women, possibly in connection with yourself?

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2006
Sun, 11-26-2006 - 12:59pm

Thank you for understanding and commenting.
i think that is a good idea.

he was doing it again last night and i got so angry, so i have to do it when i can be calm and diplomatic about it

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Sun, 11-26-2006 - 7:33pm

Much as you told us, tell him what a great guy he is - list some of his qualities but there is one thing he does, that while you understand is NOT at al meant to hurt or insult you, kind of is not fun to hear. And then mention it. It's not about him and you, or possessiveness, its about that when you're with one woman, that woman doesn't want to hear about other attractive females just as probably wouldn't enjoy hearing you talk on and on about other guy's cute butts.


If he's as great as you say he is otherwise, he should get the point

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