commitment problems?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2004
commitment problems?
3
Sun, 08-29-2004 - 10:20pm
i have an awful problem. I love being around guys and usually i pick out 1 guy that i really like and i FLIRT. I mean flirt like crazy, to the point where the guy can't not like me then we end up going out a few times and when they finally say "i want you to be my girlfriend" i back out! I get afraid of having a boyfriend and i shy away after losing all interest in the guy. I leave myself feeling crappy like i've lead him on and he's depressed and confused. The trouble is i can't control it at all. this is the reason im always single. it's caused me to get a bad rep. as a "heartbreaker" and a "tease". i can't go on doing this to these guys- i need help. my friend said that i may have commitment problems, ill take any advice-what do you think?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2003
Mon, 08-30-2004 - 11:36am
Perhaps your friend is right and you do have commitment issues. It is possible that you enjoy flirting and driving men crazy just to proof to yourself that you're desirable. Perhaps it's a boost to your ego. However, when you find yourself in the situation where the man wants to get serious you panick and butt out. People who don't want any kind of obligations or responsabilities to another exhibit this kind of behavior. A relationship requires obligation, responsability and commitment from both parties. In your case, if you do get into a relationship were you have obligations and responsabilities to one person, that would mean you'd have to stop your crazy flirting with every guy you find cute and dedicate your attention to just one guy. It is possible that you're commitmentphobic indeed OR maybe you have some other issues that lead you to behave in this way.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Mon, 08-30-2004 - 2:34pm
I think you need to start just DATING lots of men and not committing to any of them. The problem you have? I think you are young and have all these idealisms of what a romance is like. But when faced with the reality you run. So don't stick yourself in so far that the men want you for themselves, tell them you're just dating, that you're dating many men and don't want to be tied down.

When you get a little older and have experienced a lot of different things, you will know what you are actually looking for and when you find it you won't let it go.

Alison

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2004
Mon, 08-30-2004 - 5:41pm
Issues, schmissues... maybe you just want to have fun. Male attention is nice to have, men certainly do whatever they can to receive attention from women. There's nothing wrong with that in and of itself.

The only problem I see is if you just want to have fun, and a guy you are flirting with wants to get serious. That does not mean you have a problem or that he does. It could be a problem if you try to establish a relationship when it is clear you have a mismatch.

So my advice... be clear on who you are, what you want, and where you are on the relationship/committment continuum. Once you are clear, make that clear to others.

Don't let anyone convince you that you have a "problem." Decide that for yourself. If you determine you do have a problem, decide how you want to address it.

A~