commitment w/o a relationship?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2003
commitment w/o a relationship?
1
Fri, 01-13-2006 - 6:50pm

Me and my boyfriend just broke up before Christmas and even though i was the one who did the breaking up, i realised i shouldn't have for i love him and miss him alot and i know he feels the same way about me too, the problem? He said he "can't" be with me right now because the distance is too much and now he will be away longer then what he expected. He's going to school in SLC right now and he was supposed to be there for 4 months about and now he has to be there for 10. Yesterday when i talked to him he said we have the feelings and the commitment it's just without the relationship and i said well what exactly are you committed to? You have to be committed to have commitment..and he said "i'm committed to being with you and i want no one else but you" But yet he says he can't have a relationship right now, he just can't? I told him nothing had changed between us, nothing at all, he agreed. We still talk everyday, still say i love you, still spend hours and hours chatting away and thats when he said its the label that causes the drama and heartache, that's why right now, we don't have that. I am so confused by everything he tells me, everyday it's like a new feeling or thought with him. I feel like his feelings have changed, he assures me they haven't. I feel like i'm waiting around for possibilities and he said only i know if this is worth waiting for, but that's the problem, i don't know what i'm waiting for. I feel like a doormat, like i'm sitting around waiting for him HOPING he will change his mind and he knows it, that's why he isn't worried. So last night i decided i wouldn't talk to him for 30 days because everytime i talk to him now, we just fight. We want different things, he wants to be friends and wait it out and i want to be together and work it out..I know one of the reasons we broke up was because we lived too far away from eachother but i feel like having someone you love is better then not having them at all.

What should i do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Sat, 01-14-2006 - 7:37am

Basically what this man wants is for you to commit to not dating anyone else while he enjoys speaking to you on the phone everyday and knowing that you are pining for him.

I suggest you do exactly what you have been doing and not contacting this man. Just tell him that you need to move on and start healing from the relationship, you wish him best of luck in the future.

The more you talk to this guy on the phone, the longer it will take for you to get over him.