Compatibility

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2004
Compatibility
3
Sat, 12-18-2004 - 8:04am

Okay, I'm still having problems...

Last night my boyfriend said that we need to figure out if we are "compatible". I appreciate the fact that this might have been the only sincere thing he has ever said to me. I appreciate honesty. My problem is this: my interpretation. While he went on to talk about different subjects, I just kept my mouth shut and listened. I took his compatibility statement to mean that he wants out of this relationship. He has told me before that when he is tired he gets sarcastic or says things he regrets later. I realize he was probably tired this morning, but I asked him this morning if he wanted me to leave, or if I be should be working harder on 'my' problems. I asked him specifically how he felt about the relationship. I don't understand his responses.

I am very hurt, but my gut instinct is to just leave him.

I've also had about enough of this 'fixing myself stuff', either on my own volition, or with his wishes, with no indication that it has or will improve the situation. Am I making a big mistake? I've spent so much time trying to learn about his hobby thing, and reading self-help books, etc. that I don't have time for my own hobbies, or hobbies I'd like to learn...

What does this figuring out if we are 'compatible' statement mean after all of this time?? Shouldn't that have been determined a long time ago??? Is he just saying that he doesn't like me???

Thank you for any help!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2004
In reply to: skittlesmmm
Sat, 12-18-2004 - 2:52pm
i can understand what you mean, but i wouldnt spend my life trying to please him, find out what it is that he wants,and then concentrate on yourself with or without him...
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2004
In reply to: skittlesmmm
Sun, 12-19-2004 - 5:45am
Cheers skittlesmmm
Bellina sends holiday greetings!
I don'tt know how long the two of you know one another? If its awhile then I'd believe
knowing if youre compatible,attracted and feel a sense of comfort has been clear.Perhaps
he's got intimacy fears/not sexual but afraid to form friendship too.If you've made an effort to "fix" things as you said,perhaps he can try accomadating your needs also.Like whether he's willing to do things,hobbies,interests you have a passion for.It takes two
to compromise in what one likes to do in gettogethers be it quiet hometime,fun social eventts,visiting friends,going out on the town,etc.If it's been onesided in what he prefers in these matters,or intimacy fears e.g.,getting closer thru relations.All thesee
topics should be discussed and resolved to reach compromises to make both happier romantically and on an intellectual level.If he feels only you need to change,then he's thinking he's too perfect.Everyone of us has personality flaws,different mindsets,opionions that should be opened for changes to continue a romantic or friendship
enduring.Best wishes,or leave this fellow if compromise isn't on his agenda..Bellina
Avatar for caramello0213
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
In reply to: skittlesmmm
Sun, 12-19-2004 - 10:06am

Go with your gut. I think you know you need to leave this fool. He's wasting your time playing head games. Compatibility? Give me a break. You've been together long enough - he's just making excuses to not feel guilty. He wants you to be the one to break it off so he doesn't have to "hurt you". I think you should stand tall and strong and end it - make a clean break and stop worrying yourself about his feelings and take care of your own.

Take care,
C Mello