Complicated Relationship Question
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| Sun, 09-03-2006 - 12:50pm |
I am dealing with a tough situation. I really like a girl that I work with (I am her supervisor). We get along really well together, regular light touching, very close emotionally, enjoy work trips together and do a few things outside of the office.
She has a long-term boyfriend who is pretty much a bum. Instead of criticizing, I choose to not talk about him at all (essentially pretend he does not exist), which makes the relationship a little odd because we talk about everything else.
She has never asked me why I don't - I pretty much assume she knows that it is because I like her. However, after many months of this going on, we have never once had a discussion as to what is going on or what our relationship is about. I will say that because of my actions, she rarely even mentions the guy to me anymore.
I guess my question is this, ladies (or gents): if you are this girl, and still loved your boyfriend (and/or did not have extra feelings for your boss), wouldn't you continue to talk about him, and/or try to put some distance between yourself and your boss (e.g. stop all touching, try to not be so emotionally close) in order to show you are not interested?
I guess I find it very strange that she does not seem uncomfortable about the fact that her boss, whom she is very close to, will not even acknowledge the existence of her boyfriend.
I would be happy to share additional facts and my opinion, but I want to see what other have to say. Thanks for any and all comments.

coreythomas8672...
Pianoguy read your post twice and came up with the same answers both times:
1. The lady is DEVOTED to her 'long-time boyfriend!' Whether he's a bum or not is immaterial since she would have dumped him by now if the mutual interest wasn't there!
2. Whatever 'dating or emotional events' occur in her personal life AREN'T really any of your business, are they?
3. While the woman MIGHT have respect for you as a boss, she could also be more than slightly intimidated by your mannerisms and behavior? It's also possible that she'd prefer to keep your 'employer-employee working relationship' on a BUSINESS LEVEL? And if this is the case...she's certainly not going to provide anything close to 'encouragement' on a personal level!
Pianoguy
Hi and welcome!
Does it really matter if she loves him or not? The simple fact is that she's still with him. If she didn't want to be, she wouldn't be.
Maybe she enjoys your friendship and that's that. Maybe she thinks of you as a great guy to work with and hang with but doesn't want to share that aspect of her life with you. Whatever it is though, it doesn't matter...
There's no need to discuss what your relationship with her is because all it is is a friendship. Leave it at that. I know it's hard but don't get more involved otherwise it will make things messy for all involved. You wouldn't want some guy to be coming onto your girl, right?