compliments or insults?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2003
compliments or insults?
3
Thu, 06-28-2007 - 12:13am

A few days ago I met someone great, by anyone's standards. On the one hand, he's very very level-headed and attentive, on the other, when he's pays me a ?compliment? he references two pairs of interchangeable adjectives time and time again: you're cute, kinda cute; you're entertaining, you're fun.

I find both "cute" and "entertaining" references offensive. Am I missing the point? Does he view these as positive qualities that ought to be cultivated? Does he mean well, or he doesn't take me seriously?

I prefer funny too fun (party-girl, floozy?), would prefer be called beautiful rather than cute (silly and common). What gives?

The topic of my post may be trivial, but his, no doubt generous and genuine, compliments are beginning to set the wrong tone. I don't enjoy being a brooder either.

R

Edited 6/28/2007 12:19 am ET by dumberu

Edited 6/28/2007 12:36 am ET by dumberu




Edited 6/28/2007 12:40 am ET by dumberu
Brat Princess
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-28-2007 - 9:43am

dumberu...

Pianoguy thinks the red flags are already out!

If you don't like this man's behavior NOW...what makes you think you're gonna like it any better a month from now?

Men and women respond and react according to the ways they've been brought up---or the behavior they've been exposed to in the past.

If his words AREN'T 'your cup of tea'...what's the point of having a friendship? Let alone a RELATIONSHIP?

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2003
Thu, 06-28-2007 - 10:04am

I concur with your comments on some level, but not with everything you said.

One, I should have no difficulty telling him precisely what associations I make based on his choice of words. I don't need to feel shy about expressing my sentiments.

Two, one's life experiences and conditioning determines one's reactions, difficult to ignore and amend because these sensibilities make us unique; and although my petpeeves are justifiable, it doesn't that I'm projecting too much on him.

The sooner I tell him, the better, naturally.

Thank you some much for sharing your perspective.

Brat Princess
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Thu, 06-28-2007 - 5:25pm

I can understand not wanting to be called entertaining. To borrow a line from Goodfellas, "Do I amuse you?" You could end up feeling like this guy spent time with you for his amusement or entertainment instead of being in a relationship.

As far as cute goes, I have always been told I was "cute". It doesn't bother me. But, if you were never called cute and have always been told you were beautiful, then I could understand your concern.

"Does he view these as positive qualities that ought to be cultivated? Does he mean well, or he doesn't take me seriously?" --> you probably have to ask him to know for sure.