Confessions of a broken mind

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2005
Confessions of a broken mind
4
Tue, 01-10-2006 - 9:55am

hi all,

i think I'm going crazy... ok, my last relationship lasted for 5 yrs and it turned out that both of us ended up cheating on the other. fast fwd 2 yrs later, i always thougtht that once me and my ex broke up for good all the worries about where he's at, what he's doing, who he's with would all disappear. however, i have once again entered into another relationship. i must admit its been a pretty good relationship so far - there has been bumps in the road but nothing's perfect.

the problem is - is that i'm constantly accusing him of cheating. i never found any evidence and i've assumed but nothing concrete. i'm afraid that b/c of my insecurities i might drive him away. what should i do?

thanks,
ravishing

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Tue, 01-10-2006 - 11:12am
Well, I think you still have residue from your old relationship in your mind. When someone kind of cheated on me (I met him online and we lived really far away but I was still very attached to him) it carried over to my next 2 relationships, which was really difficult. However, I also feel that if you cheated and you think you have it in you to cheat, you also lack that trust for him. I think you need to give him the same shot he is giving you, you HAVE cheated in the past. Does he trust you?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2005
Tue, 01-10-2006 - 12:01pm

yes, i believe that i still have those old feelings inside of my head, and its not fair to my new bf at all. i want to tell him where all my feelings of insecurity are coming from but i've often heard that its never good to tell your current bf about all the wrongs the previous bf committed.

whew, i've often heard that matters of the heart can be tricky but what about matters of the mind?

thanks for reading and responding.
ravisihing

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2005
Tue, 01-10-2006 - 12:04pm

hi ravishing..

i believe you can work on yourself. try to think before you act or say anything. by being aware of yourself, i believe you can go a long way in creating the relationship you want.

if you know you are doubting needlessly, then yes, the relationship might really suffer and might even end.

see if you can just hold back, and correct your perspectives before reacting in a way that shows that you don't trust him. start small. have faith in yourself. let go of your fears. communicate more with your BF. have him reassure you often.

trust is the backbone of a healthy relationship.

you might even think of going for counseling sessions to talk things out...and gain important insights into yourself. i know all this is easier said than done, but i believe there is immense room for positive change once we are certain and believe in our goals.


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Tue, 01-10-2006 - 4:08pm
<<>> exactly, this is the BIGGEST thing where you need to do the right thing. One of the reasons why my bf and I had so many problems was because of me jumping to conclusions and speaking before thinking, if you can have that under control, I think you have a shot. I have learned to think before I speak but it did not come easy. When I hear something that makes my heart pound or my head hurt, I sit back and relax until that feeling is gone, and then I act, this way I avoid saying something really stupid that I will regret soon enough.