Confused...

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2007
Confused...
10
Sun, 06-24-2007 - 5:27pm
So I've been dating this guy for two months now and he's technically my first boyfriend. We started dating after we had known each other for 5 days (you know how college is) and everything was fine. And it still is. But now I'm starting to think I just want to break up with him...I don't know what to do. There's this other guy I liked for 4 years and we decided to be "just friends" last year, but I keep thinking about him now and he's the guy that I compare all other guys to. I almost feel like I'm not giving my boyfriend enough of a chance but he almost annoys me and I really just kind of want to be single. But we've only been dating for two months! I don't know what to do...I just feel like there's nothing really there and I don't want to waste time with a relationship that's not going to go anywhere. Please give me some advice! Thanks!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2007
In reply to: mopgirl5
Sun, 06-24-2007 - 6:35pm
I think 2 months is enough time to know whether you're really into someone. You answered your own questions in your post, basically... You said you don't want to waste ur time, so dont.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2007
In reply to: mopgirl5
Sun, 06-24-2007 - 10:16pm
I know what you mean...I just almost feel bad though. Like I should give him more time...
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2007
In reply to: mopgirl5
Mon, 06-25-2007 - 12:31am
Well, if you're pretty sure you're not into him anymore but you feel bad and want to give him more time, then I guess keep wasting your time and his...
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
In reply to: mopgirl5
Mon, 06-25-2007 - 12:49am
This guy "friend" of yours may have some influence on why you dont wish to continue with your BF. Have you dated that guy before? If your BF doesn't hold your interest and is annoying you, then do yourself and him the favor of breaking up with him. Have you expressed your feelings to the other guy? Is there a chance that the two of you could get together or back together?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2007
In reply to: mopgirl5
Mon, 06-25-2007 - 12:47pm
No, we've never actually dated. Which is the problem. I feel like if I break up with my boyfriend, it will be for nothing, because I barely ever see the other guy any more and there's probably not much of a chance we would end up dating. So basically I'm stuck on that matter. But I still really like the other guy I never see. Urgh... Thanks for the help though!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
In reply to: mopgirl5
Mon, 06-25-2007 - 5:06pm
If you are stuck on the other guy, even if it is in memory alone, then this guy may as well hang it up. Why don't you call the other guy and let him know how you feel? Is there something preventing you from doing so?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2007
In reply to: mopgirl5
Mon, 06-25-2007 - 9:42pm
yeah i let him know last year and i dont think he reciprocated, so we decided to be just friends :( so basically im hopeless. which is really pathetic. because i need to move on, but cant. i thought maybe my boyfriend would help with that but it has kind of just made it worse. aargh!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
In reply to: mopgirl5
Mon, 06-25-2007 - 11:07pm

Your hurt can only be healed with time. Unfortunately your BF is not able to take your mind off of this friend. I know this may sound bad, but you might feel better if you let the BF and the friend go and just grieve over the unrequited love. This way you can flush it from your system faster. If you continue to date your BF, or any other guy who you are not in love with, it will only complicate your life and take a long time to get your friend out of your heart. Being in touch with your friend is not going to make it any easier either. I know that if I fell for a guy who was my friend and he didn't reciprocate my feelings I would have to cease contact with him. If I really cared for the guy then I would have to be a real friend and let him go and live his life.

I know you dont' feel it now, but someone else will come along one day who you will fall for - and he wont remind you of this friend. I have not been in your position (fell for a friend - and kept a friend who I had feelings for), but I know what it feels like to think that there is only one guy who I could love (and compare others to him), but eventually you do become interested in other people and, surprise!, you feel something special again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2007
In reply to: mopgirl5
Mon, 06-25-2007 - 11:38pm
thank you. so much. it helps a lot :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2003
In reply to: mopgirl5
Tue, 06-26-2007 - 1:23pm
Take it from somebody that stuck with somebody when I knew my heart wasn't there for her......the pain only escalates with time. If you know now that the present bf isn't right, you will know the same in 6 more months and the hurt will be deeper. Moving on is never easy, but a necessary evil with relationships. Good luck.