Confused

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2004
Confused
8
Tue, 04-03-2007 - 8:56am

I just don't get it.....


BF

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
In reply to: rodeoup88
Tue, 04-03-2007 - 11:09am

If he won't go into specific details as to what he is trying to avoid by avoiding holidays with you and your kids then you have to make a decision based on what you know today.

"I am good enough to sleep with him, but not "family" to him." - for some guys, that feeling of family with a girlfriend came and went with the first wife and that is it. For others, "family" means marriage. Have you expressed this sentiment to him? Maybe he doesn't want "family" with anyone right now or ever again. Then you are in a bind and may have to move on to find someone who shares your vision of relationship.

If I was looking for a solid relationship (not dating around), and I dated someone for a year and a half (I have no kids though) and I never got invited to one family event I would probably be curious. It may be that his parents are a nightmare. It may be that he doesn't want to communicate to his family that he is serious with anyone, for whatever reason. Maybe he acts like he is serious with me, but in reality he is not. Why would guy act this way? Some guys want the regular sex, the steadiness of knowing someone is there for him, likes having a girlfriend to go out and do activities (like a concert), but don't want to commit to a serious outcome down the road. While you both decided that you do not want to marry, he may have a different definition of what that kind of commitment means. You need to find out.

Just because 2 people do not want to be legally bound to each other, doesn't mean you can't be family to each other. I have had friends with whom I felt like I was part of their family.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2004
In reply to: rodeoup88
Tue, 04-03-2007 - 12:09pm

We have done things as a family with both families.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
In reply to: rodeoup88
Tue, 04-03-2007 - 10:00pm
Okay, so what are you going to do? He's not giving you anything towork with.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2007
In reply to: rodeoup88
Wed, 04-04-2007 - 12:33am
All I can say is wow. I had these issues when I was married. That whole combinding families thing. It seems to be a fight always. I think you sound very understanding and did all you should have to keep this issue from getting out of controll. Being pissed is right.
If this is an issue now what happens when you get married. Just a thought.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2004
In reply to: rodeoup88
Wed, 04-04-2007 - 11:14am

Well when I post my problems or vents about him - I let him know what the consenus says and I will let him read them as well so he can answer some of the questions being asked.


He informed me that I am very important to him and he does not want to loose me.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
In reply to: rodeoup88
Wed, 04-04-2007 - 11:31am
"He informed me that I am very important to him and he does not want to loose me." - good. I guess when it comes to his family's health issues, he doesn't want to discuss maybe in front of your kids yet?
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2004
In reply to: rodeoup88
Thu, 04-05-2007 - 2:34pm

My kids do know what is going on with her, it helps everyone deal with her better.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
In reply to: rodeoup88
Thu, 04-05-2007 - 7:02pm
Ah, so you distract him from his work, nice going ;-). No I do not have any webpages or sites or anything like that. Everything sounds like it is okay with you guys. Best of luck.