Confused

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2002
Confused
2
Fri, 07-21-2006 - 6:55pm
Hi everyone,
I have been with my bf for 5 yrs now. Everything was perfect the first three years until it began falling apart. I am slowly realizing that we are two completely different people, but I feel like I love him so much that I cannot let go. He is a great guy and he is always there for me. However, lately he doesn't show me that he loves me anymore. I know he is busy and he hardly has any time, but even when we are together it feels like we're not. We constantly argue about the smallest things. He kinda has an old-fashioned mentality sometimes which makes me really angry, considering the fact that I have very feminist views. FOr example, he is going to go to vegas in a few weeks with his friends for a bachelor party. They are going to have strippers in their hotel hotel room! Yes, this makes me really jealous. However, when I say I want to go to vegas with my girl friends, he snaps. I want to be able to hang out with my friends without having to get his permission. Also, it bothers me that the girls and I have to clean up and set tables at all the gatherings. Why can't his friends and him help? I don't want to marry someone who is going to sit on his lazy butt while I do all the work just because he's "male."
THanks,
Ally
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
In reply to: ally1711
Sat, 07-22-2006 - 6:10am
It seems that you've been dating a "macho" man for the last 5 years, but you've come to realize how he really is in the last two. You were happy for three years and have been unhappy for the last two. The fact is that the man you're dating is the man you'll marry, if you decide to do it. He appears to have a very dominating character that he imposses on you and you accept it, perhaps to not upset him? You though deep inside know that "it doesn't feel right". If you feel your wants are not been fufilled in this relationship then by all means look somewhere, but make sure that the next time you don't allow stuff you don't like. Set boundaries and enforce them. Don't loss yourself in a relationship.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: ally1711
Sat, 07-22-2006 - 6:52am

ally1711...

Pianoguy thinks you have several issues here. So excuse the brevity as he tries to cover them all!

1. Have you actually gotten a marriage proposal from this man? You'd think something would have occurred after a 5-year courtship? But it's entirely possible the two of you prefer engaging in a FWB or casusal dating situation instead?

2. If you've been arguing about stuff (insignificant or important)...expect the arguments to continue...whether you're married or not.

3. If you want men to share in the table set up...then leave the tables where they are until one of them asks: "WHY AREN'T THE TABLES SET UP?" Look him in the eyes, smile back sweetly and tell him: "BECAUSE IT'S YOUR TURN!"

4. Unless you have an exclusive arrangement concerning travel...you can go whereever you want to with your friends. BUT...your b/f has that option too!

5. I doubt marriage would work for you...simply because your feminism (and the ideas connected to it) seems to be a lot STRONGER than adapting to "couplehood?" And after 5 years, I'll bet your b/f isn't anxious to make "a respectable woman" out of you through marriage?

So you might as well accept the conditions the way they are...or walk away!

Pianoguy