confused!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2004
confused!!!!
3
Sun, 12-04-2005 - 6:57pm
About 2 weeks ago (nov 18) , My boyfriend broke up with me (his reasoning was that we fought too much) We fought but it wasn't as bad as he made it sounds. We don't fight alot like other people do. But anyways, he said he was done trying. He called me on the 30th of nov, to tell me that he would pay me for the gym. (we both are on a gym contract and its cheaper to keep him on) so he called telling me that he would deposit the money into my account for nov and dec! I was like ok, and then he goes on asking how I'm doing and what i've been up to? I told him nothing much etc... and then i ask him does this convo mean anything to you? and he says no Lisa! I told you I'm done! I was like okay. And so today he ims me online to ask me If he saw me yesterday driving, (which it wasn't me) and then goes on to ask me what I've been up to? any dates? etc...
I don't understand his logic here? My friend tells me that he is probably going to want to get back together. I also thought the same thing as well! I don't call him at all! I don't want him to think I want him back (even though I do) I don't understand, I was thinking maybe he just needs time and such... But why does he keep trying to contact me and ask me stupid questions, and uses excuses to contact me. Should I just let him go and move on with my life? or should I wait around for him? I really still love him and want to be with him! but at the same time I don't want to waste my time?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: designlisa
Mon, 12-05-2005 - 7:32am

designlisa...

A few thoughts to consider (from PG), but you don't have to believe 'em if you don't wish to....

1. Most men aren't interested in going through the same nonsense with a woman over and over again. In your case...it's the ARGUING and the FIGHTING! It doesn't matter whether they're based on something serious or just 'harmless kidding'---IT'S A COMPLETE DRAG! And the moment the process becomes BORING---a man wants nothing more to do with a woman! .

2. There are some men who feel a past acquaintance (like YOU) might do something stupid as the result of a recent break-up....so they'll periodically 'check up on their former G/F's' just to make sure that they don't! This is the reason you're getting an occasional email or phone call.

3. If the former b/f offers to pay for gym membership---he can send you the money directly to your address. Then, you can renew the membership for him!

End of story...

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
In reply to: designlisa
Mon, 12-05-2005 - 9:06am

Some men like to keep tabs on former girlfriends. They may not want to date you but they are going to want to find out whether you are dating anyone else and what you are doing with your life.

Since you are no longer dating this man you should not be giving him personal information. What you are doing is none of his business. Your best bet is to get this man's gym membership off of yours so you don't need to explain to any future boyfriends why you are providing this man a discounted membership.

Tell him to send you the money for the rest of the contract and then tell him he needs to get his own membership.

No more phone calls with this guy unless you enjoy explaining your every move.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: designlisa
Mon, 12-05-2005 - 9:58pm
Like someone else said, some people like to be friends after the fact...but if it's making the break up to difficult for you, then tell him that. Just because he wants to be friendly doesn't mean that you have to be. Tell him to give you a cooling off period so that you can move on and then maybe in three- six- twelve months you'll be ready to be buddies. Right now the break up is raw.
Maybe he's feeling guilty about breaking up and is making himself feel better by checking up on you. If that's the case, then it's still about how he wants to be broken up.
If you don't want to see or hear from him, say so and block his number and IM, etc.