confused!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2005
confused!
8
Mon, 08-29-2005 - 11:06pm
Just looking for some insight. I met a guy through match.com. We talked and emailed before we met, and really clicked. We went on 3 dates. The dates were fun. But, a week after the third date he emails me to say he doesn't think we have enough in common to pursue a relationship. I emailed him back to say thanks for being honest and not leaving me hanging. Left the door open for him to still stay in touch. We truly got along great, and made each other laugh. Fast forward to now, about 2 weeks later, and he's calling and emailing more now than he did when we were "dating." We may be getting together soon (his idea.) Just curious what this means? Any insight would be appreciated!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2004
In reply to: me0407
Tue, 08-30-2005 - 10:17am
My first thoughts are that he looked around some more and didn't find any one better, or as good. Of course, there could be hidden agendas but it's probably too soon to tell. I guess I would give him the benefit of the doubt but with caution. He could do this again. Good luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: me0407
Tue, 08-30-2005 - 11:17am

me0407...

2 quick thoughts from Pianoguy:

1. This man is either lonely and looking for someone to "hang-out with!"
OR
2. Found that you were the only woman (on match.com) who was willing to date him...and suddenly, he realized HOW IMPORTANT YOU WERE...after the 2 of you took a break?

The big question is.....do you want to try again knowing that another 'split' between you is entirely possible?

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2005
In reply to: me0407
Tue, 08-30-2005 - 11:40am

Hi me0407,
I have to agree with the previous posters. He went off to pursue another. It didn't work out. He's back because he's bored/lonely. He WILL do this again. If you are willing to steel yourself for this inevitability because you do enjoy the company, then just let him pursue you.
First thing I'd ask him is: What's changed? Ask him what he wants. Clear up your confusion and just be straightforward and ask him what you want to know. What have you got to lose at this point?
The thing about OLD is that for many guys, they will always be looking for the next best thing.

Chele

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2003
In reply to: me0407
Tue, 08-30-2005 - 9:36pm
If I were in your position, I would probably go out with him again. I would also ask him upfront at some point in the evening why he the change of heart? Not accusatory, but just in curiosity. Why was it that two weeks ago he felt I didn't have enough in common and then a change? Not that a change of heart is a bad thing, but insight into it would shed some light on his thoughts in general. That can't be a bad thing...
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
In reply to: me0407
Wed, 08-31-2005 - 3:34pm

Well, I would ask why he wants to get together since he doesn't want to pursue a relationship. If he says he does all of a sudden want to date I'd be extremely cautious. In fact it seems your energy is better spent looking for someone who wants the same thing you do - a lasting, loving romantic connection.

,
,
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2003
In reply to: me0407
Wed, 08-31-2005 - 5:01pm

I would have to agree with Pianoguy.

I am recently out of a relationship with a guy that I met from Match.Com. In the beginning I got the same song and dance about not being a "match". A couple weeks later he was back because he wasn't meeting anyone else. We actually dated for 5 months. My mistake was that I knew he still had his Match.Com profile active. He met a gal a week and a half ago and dropped me like a bad habit. They have been together for a week now and she is already spending the night at his house. We had what I thought was a great relationship; oh was I so blind. I was basically just company for him until he found someone else.

Another example was recently my friend showed me a guy that "winked" at her on Match.Com. She knew he wasn't her type so she showed me his profile and I ended up sending him an email. He responded to me saying that he just started seeing someone and wanted to see where it was going. This was just a couple hours after him "winking" at my friend. In the meantime she sent him a polite "not interested" note. A couple days later I get an email from him whating to chat and meet. I will not be responding to that email. :-) I am actually taking a break in general from dating and the internet.

In life you have to take chances, but don't allow yourself to go as long as I did without fulling knowing his intentions.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
In reply to: me0407
Wed, 08-31-2005 - 5:49pm
Well, unless I missed something, it sounds like he is just chatting with you not really asking you out again, right? If so, I think he is keeping you around until he finds the BBD (bigger better deal). Unless you want to be the stand-by girl, move on and find someone new. It's OK to be friends, but I would expect the vanishing act to happen again once someone else new comes along.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2004
In reply to: me0407
Wed, 08-31-2005 - 11:28pm
I wouldn't get together with him again. He will just become MIA again. Just say "sorry, but I don't think we have enough in common to pursue a relationship". Don't be a place holder for him until another chick comes along.

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