Confused

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2004
Confused
1
Mon, 12-13-2004 - 11:48am

I am not sure where to begin and I apologize in advance if this may sound long and boring. At the beginning of March of this year I met a wonderful guy who until now is a good friend of mine. It is weird how we met. We met at a club in my area. And from the night we totally hit it off, in the sense of going on dates and so forth. We went on dates, hung out with each other every weekend for exactly three months. It was very nice because we would always go out with his cousins and we would have a good time. This relationship was different than my other because I was use to becoming intimate with a person in less than a week or something like that. But with this person, we kissed once in a while, but he really wasn’t forceful which I totally loved about him. We would go to eat to nice places or out dancing because we both like to dance. When I think about it I think he must of cared somewhat because he lives about 45 minutes to an hour away from my location and he would always try to make plans with me. He knew he had work during the weekends so he would try to see me before or later. The day I was leaving to go back to school I felt like I had to sleep with him because I wasn't sure if I was going to see him again , and I just truly cared for him. After three months, I had to leave for three weeks because I had to go back for graduation in another state about two hours from here. During this entire time I was still with my boyfriend even though I didn’t want to but we broke up once I got back to school since that is where he was all this time. During the time I was in college getting ready for graduation, my friend would always call me and send emails and so forth. I would try to answer him when possible because I was staying at my boyfriend’s place and also I began to question what was the point of talking to him since he seemed not to be serious or clear of what we had.
After graduation, I broke up with my official boyfriend and went home for a week. When I came back to my area I was extremely busy with another internship and on top of that I was studying for my LSAT. My friend would still keep calling but I wouldn’t answer because of my schedule among other things. My stalker boyfriend who is not from this area decided to move out here? This created more stress for me, among many things. Since I didn’t have a car, my ex took advantage of that and would pick me up. I was under a lot of stress with everything that I couldn’t deal with another thing like my friend. My friend would always call to invite me out but I couldn’t because of my demanding schedule and his too. He even invited me to Florida with his cousins but couldn’t go. At the same time, I was going through a spiritual time, a very important moment in my life. I converted to Islam, a beautiful time but also stressful. Things in my life have changed a little. My ex doesn’t understand this religion which makes it hard, and my friend is Muslim but not that practicing but at least he helps me with some questions I have. Anyways, I broke up with my ex even though he kept stalking. During this time I went out once to a club with my friend and his cousins, we had such a wonderful time but it was so hard for me because I had strong feelings and temptations. I felt like he wanted to kiss me as much as I did, but luckily we didn’t. However, we did talk about these feelings of attraction. Then, we kept in contact but couldn’t see each other during a month because of Ramadan which is a Muslim month of staying away from bad things and making your relationship with God better. We always talk on the phone however, at least four five times a week. I finally saw him this Wednesday, we went out to eat and we came back to my apartment. I couldn’t help my feelings I wanted to kiss him so bad and we did. One thing led to another and we slept together. He then called me the next day twice and he came again slept over this time and took me to work. After that, we are still talking only he is calling more. I think I am regretting sleeping with him, just because I see him different. Also, me being Muslim, I am not sure was the most proper thing to do. My point is that I don’t know what his intentions are? My girlfriend says I should play the game or see what happens which sounds like a good plan but I don’t want to get my feelings hurt. I don’t want him to get a bad perception of me, even though he doesn’t seem like that. What should I do? I feel confused and don’t want to create a big drama out of anything. He called me yesterday to tell me that I should stop by the restaurant where he works so I can meet his boss, but for what? I know I sound like completely spaced out but he also sends me mixed signals. He tells me there is something that attracts him to me and he can’t forget, but can’t explain it. Any advice or feedback is greatly appreciated, thank you. Also, should I go on dates with other people? I am not sure what I should do? To be honest, my friend has many qualities I envisiones in my future husband, even though I am presently not looking for that, I am only 22 and he is 23. But I don’t want to get hurt. Help? Thank you!

Edited 12/13/2004 1:52 pm ET ET by fatihastar114




Edited 12/13/2004 2:13 pm ET ET by fatihastar114
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: fatihastar114
Mon, 12-13-2004 - 8:46pm

fatihastar114...

Pianoguy doesn't want to sound mean....but why do a lot of women bring up their religious beliefs (aka scruples) AFTER THEY'VE TAKEN A MAN INTO THEIR BEDS ONCE OR TWICE? Is this a form of 'cleansing the soul' after you've done THE NASTY?

To simply your complicated post (and I honestly GOT LOST twice)...you really aren't ready to 'get serious' with anybody. You're too involved with your other interests (work, education, religion) and not in a position to 'share your life' with anybody.

Go ahead and date several men...but make it clear to each one that YOU AREN'T READY TO GET SERIOUS! AGE 22 (for you) is much too young...when it comes to considering ANY man who thinks he wants to make you a part of his life!

Pianoguy