Confused

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2004
Confused
3
Sun, 10-10-2004 - 2:41pm
I have been dating this guy for about 8 months now, and we never fully got along, but we try to sometimes and it has lasted this long. Well we arent officially "going out" right now, actually for the past 2 1/2 months. We have been seeing each other and I cant stand it. I try to make this guy so happy and I dont even feel semi important to him. I have been asking him if he wants to still see other people (obviosly i cant deal with that) and he tells me no i just want to be with you, and take things slow. Well this whole week we have been bickering and not getting along. He tells me last night he does want to see other people, he still doesnt know if he wants to be with me. It has been a while and i figure he should know by now, you either do or dont! Whenever I get upset or angry, he just brushes it off. If i tell him i dont want to talk to him, he is so ok with everything, but if he were to say that to me i cry! The more i think about it, the more clear it is and everyone tells me the same thing. He doesnt care, he isnt ready for a serious commitment and we are just no good for each other. I grew to love the boy, and he tells me he cares and loves me so much but then he does the complete opposite! Im trying to move past this, and slowly get rid of him and move on but I am so used to being with him and talking to him 24/7, and i cant stand change. Everyone who gives me advice tells me to just drop him, but we all know its not as easy as it sounds. I need some real advice from people who know what there talking about!! help!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2004
In reply to: melissa1438
Sun, 10-10-2004 - 8:06pm
well, the best advice really is to let him go. it is hard, but who ever said that it isn't? you need to sit him down and have a serious discussion with him about this. it would be best to do it face to face and not over the phone or anything like that. he obviously does not know what he wants. if he gives you the same answer you always get from him, then just stop talking to him altogether for a while. if he comes back trying to talk to you, then tell him what you really want. if he doesn't want that, then don't settle for less. it's better to just let it go and be happy with someone else in the future that wants the same thing as you than to settle for someone who wants something different just because you are used to having them around. you should never be with someone just because you feel that you have to be with them, or that you are a little afraid of being without a signifcant other until another comes along. who would want to be miserable around someone that they love? that's not what love really is about. and if he really does love you, then he will see that you are not happy and want to do whatever he can to make you as happy as possible.

i don't know if that is the advice that you really wanted, but it's the best that i could do. i hope that everything works out for you. good luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2003
In reply to: melissa1438
Mon, 10-11-2004 - 10:48am
No, it's not easy to walk away from a relationship, but truly, you know this is not the right fit for you. When you hang onto something merely b/c it's hard and scary to start over or be alone, well, you're not going to wind up happy or content. Nothing in your post sounds even remotely like this may work out. You 2 are not right for one another, neither of you is happy and it's a daily struggle just to get along. What are you waiting for? This isn't going to become what you are probably looking for, so move on. The sooner you free yourself from something that's not working, the sooner you are able and available to find something that might be. And please note that only healthy, happy *individuals* can form a healthy, happy relationship. People who remain in dysfunctional relationships (for whatever reason) are usually not happy, healthy individuals. Good luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2004
In reply to: melissa1438
Mon, 10-11-2004 - 6:27pm
Thank you so much for your advice. I thought about this so much last night, and its just time to move on. He puts me down, doesnt let me hang out with friends or do what i want and I am only 21. Im really excited to hang out with friends and feel young again and live my life. I told him yesterday I would still talk to him here and there, and the more i think about it the more that sounds insane. I just weaken up when I actually talk to him though so Im going to have to try my hardest. I just cant seem to get over the idea of him with another girl. I know everyone tells me who cares and to feel bad for the girl, but i guess im just jealous? I cant shake this thought though! Im going crazy about this guy who wouldnt even consider my feelings for a minute. See he drives me up the wall even without talking to him!