confused
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| Tue, 03-16-2004 - 11:47am |
I was wondering if someone could help me with my dilemma.
The guy that I am dating now (it's been like 6weeks) is sweet, charming, smart and we have a lot of fun together. Unfortunately I had sex with him after our 4th date. We have sex a couple times since then. Now he never calls without me calling him first, and I see him less and less. Before we had sex he send me cards and flowers and called out of the blue.
Also, with the last guy I dated we had sex early in the relationship. Eventally that was all we were doing. We stopped going on dates and just meeting at his place to have sex. It ended eventually. I wanted more than that.
I guess I have this idea that if I say no to having sex the guy will go away. I mean I don't have a problem with sex, but I think I want to know a guy is gonna stick around before we do it. Because if the relationship becomes just about sex then I feel crappy. I want more than that. Sex is not all that important to me. How do I communicate that without freaking the guy out?
And moreover, the next time I see my new guy (if I see him) how to I let him know that I don't want to continue to have sex for a while- that I want to find if we can have a real long term relationship together. Because it seems to me that once you have sex, you always have to :/ And I don't know how to do otherwise.

But arent you finding out the exact opposite is true? I think all you can do is state that you want to put a hold on sex until you get to know each other better.
All the men that I slept with (five in total, three proposed marriage) focused on me as a person, and I to them - it never became all about sex.
So, it's all up to you - I do not prioritize having sex over being committed, nor do I prioritize having a man in my life over sticking to my values and boundaries. What about you?