Confused about b/f sexual desire?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2004
Confused about b/f sexual desire?
3
Tue, 12-05-2006 - 9:37am

I'm not sure if this is the correct board but I'll post anyway =)

I really don't have enough space to explain my situation with my current beau. We've been together a little over 3 months but overall a year (we were FWB for around 9 months).

My beau is very "hardened" when it comes to relationships. He got severely burned when he was around 20 or so I think. His one true love. He says that he learned his lesson and he'll never give himself over to a girl like that again. Now that's just ONE of our problems...

Sex is a big thing for me and he and I have never really kept things going in that department on a "regular basis". Even when we were FWB. Of course this makes me feel extremely insecure and I've asked him...his response is this "I know it sounds cheesy but I don't get close to people and each time we have sex I get closer to you". So...we just don't have sex on a regular basis.

I don't understand that a man can be THIS hardened when it comes to relationships. Maybe some people never really get over a broken heart. I just don't know what to do.

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Tue, 12-05-2006 - 9:55am

You don't tell us how old this man is. When people say that they have been "burned" in a previous relationship and that relationship is years behind them, what they are really trying to tell you is that they have closeness issues and may never fully commit themselves to any relationship except for the one they have with themselves.

This man is screaming in a figurative way that he wants to keep you at arm's length.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2004
Tue, 12-05-2006 - 10:03am

I'm 24 and he just turned 28. (his relationship with this girl was when he was around 20) Something you said seriously hit home:

"This man is screaming in a figurative way that he wants to keep you at arm's length."

He has definitely admitted to this. He doesn't get close and he keeps everyone at arms length. But, he's also told me that he hasn't been this close or opened up to anyone since her. And it scares him to death. However, it still seems he keeps me at a distance. It's so frustrating.

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2005
Wed, 12-06-2006 - 9:51am

I have one of those too. He will not get close to me that way and a year ago when we discussed the options in regards to that type of relationship he was real clear that he was shut off and didn't know if he could. Let me tell you he didn't, hasn't and most likely never will. I am now giving up on any hope because he is so afraid of me. He's a great guy (he's in his 50's) and deserves so much love but he screwed up a marriage (in his own words) and just can't extend himself that way anymore.

I have learned that each time I think that maybe he can be the person who will envelope me with his love my mind reminds me that even though he takes even a few steps in that direction that he will never give me truly what I deserve. Not worth it anymore. I need so much of a man and he doesn't have it to give.

I am sad for my friend and your boyfriend at the same time. They are missing out on some great women!!

F