Confused about a friendship
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Confused about a friendship
| Sat, 04-17-2004 - 3:52pm |
I have a complicated situation and don't know how to proceed. I met a guy last year - he was my personal trainer at the gym. We hit it off and became friends. There was some flirting and I became interested. For awhile I thought he was interested, but he said he just wanted to be platonic friends.He called and came over occasionally, but we never dated. Six months later he moved away and we stayed in touch by e-mail. I was afraid the friendship would end. I got clingy and needy and saw negative connotations in every e-mail he sent. I had very high expectations and he constantly failed to meet them, and I took it as signs of rejection. A couple of times I told him I didn't want to be friends anymore, but we kept writing to each other. I felt him pulling away more and more. Then he told me he had a girlfriend. A couple of months later he stopped writing all together. Three months later he moved back to the town I live in (and his girlfriend lives here too). He didn't tell me he moved back, I found out from someone else. I waited to hear from him for 6 weeks, then e-mailed him and asked why he stopped all communication with me. He said it was because he thought I was mad at him about something that happened. I thought we were going to patch things up -- we wrote back and forth a couple of times. But I haven't heard from him in over a month.
My question has to do with whether or not I should e-mail him and just ask how he's doing. Part of me says the relationship is over and there are too many hurt feelings so it's better to just walk away. Part of me says I need to wait until he misses me and initiates contact. Part of me realizes that he may not want to talk to me or be friends with me anymore because I was such a demanding bitch while he was away. I also told him I didn't trust him anymore. I would like to see if we can become friends again, in essence start over. But I'm afraid he has shut the door on me and I'm afraid to be rejected one more time. Any suggestions?
My question has to do with whether or not I should e-mail him and just ask how he's doing. Part of me says the relationship is over and there are too many hurt feelings so it's better to just walk away. Part of me says I need to wait until he misses me and initiates contact. Part of me realizes that he may not want to talk to me or be friends with me anymore because I was such a demanding bitch while he was away. I also told him I didn't trust him anymore. I would like to see if we can become friends again, in essence start over. But I'm afraid he has shut the door on me and I'm afraid to be rejected one more time. Any suggestions?

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Thanks for your input.
If you think that there are still a lot of things left unsaid, write them down in a journal...for your own purging. Address it to him if you want AS IF you are actually telling it to him in person. Maybe through that, you'd be able to rid yourself of any heaviness and anxiety that I feel resonate throughout your posts.
Let it go. Let *him* go.
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