confused about guys...

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2005
confused about guys...
8
Tue, 11-15-2005 - 10:53pm
So this guy and i have been dating for a month and a week about. Before we were "official" we hung out almost every day, and when we began dating everything was (or seemed to be) fine. I now haven't seen him 1 week today, and i won't see him for another 2 days. We were supposed to watch a movie tonight but he ditched me, so im kind of confused/angry now. Any ideas of why he is acting like this?? I feel like a back-up plan/only good in small doses/and like he is making no effort to see or be with me. any input would be appreciated!! thanks everyone
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Wed, 11-16-2005 - 7:00am

By official, do you mean committed?


Is there a viable reason why he wouldn't be able to see you? Work, etc? If not, I would say that it sounds like a case of why work hard for something that you already have. If there is no legit reason, then I think it's on you to analyze this situation and decide if it's something you really want to remain involved in. If he's acting like this after a month, I'd be afraid of how he'd be acting in a year...


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 11-16-2005 - 10:14am

musicfan01...

2 thoughts from Pianoguy:

1. Count the number of times your b/f has cancelled plans with you at the last minute. If the number is only one or two....STOP ACTING FOOLISH! If it's more than this, there might be somebody else? But before you GO CRAZY ON HIM....ask yourself a second question:

2. Do you think you might be "coming on a little too strong" after only dating this man for one month? Men HATE the idea of BEING RUSHED INTO ANYTHING! And this could be the reason your b/f is taking a little time off from YOU?

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2005
Wed, 11-16-2005 - 3:54pm
thanks for the input. yeah he's been ditching quite a bit...but this is the first REAL one. like before he would invite me somewhere, then never mention it again. that part drives me crazy. it's funny that you say men hate being rushed into anything...and i've been pretty cautious of that. I've tried not to move too fast or anything and at the beginning of our relationship i thought he was moving too fast -- invited me for dinner with his dads side of the family after we had been offical (committed) for about 2 weeks. (i didnt go for other reasons)...however i dont think his brother likes me very much. his brother and i are the same age and have been friends for about 2 years, not good friends, but we hang out with the same people. do you think that his brother could be part of the problem? i know there is not anyone else (aka he's cheating on me) but i don't even know what to think anymore!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 11-17-2005 - 7:59am

musicfan01...

Pianoguy has absolutely no knowledge about THE BROTHER! Perhaps you do???

Just because you 'hang out a little' and are seen together in the same social groups doesn't necessarily indicate this man is COMPLETELY SERIOUS about having a relationship with you?

So if you've got the courage....go ahead and ask him? Personally, I think one month of dating is hardly the basis for anything permanent....but that's just my 2 cents, for whatever they're worth!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Thu, 11-17-2005 - 11:51am

<>


Hi PG... if you notice her original post, there has been a definite change in behavior with this guy. Also... he hasn't seen her in a week? Come on... I understand coming on strong but there is a difference when the person is backing away.


(BTW: How are ya?)


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Thu, 11-17-2005 - 1:14pm

Youre still at the "beginning" stage romantically speaking and things can get confusing. When you were friends it was easy for him to hang out frequently - no pressure, it didn't have the "relationship" connotations. You should do your best to act casual and not build your social life around him. However, I don't like that he ditched you. Did he cancel last minute or just not show? Or was there something valid he had to do?


,
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2005
Thu, 11-17-2005 - 1:27pm
about the last minute ditching...a week ago he told me he would watch this movie with me, so i ofcourse get happy to hang out and watch a movie with him. we were talking over msn messenger, and he told me how he was upset because he heard some bad news (about his eyesight not being good enough for his career choice) so i understood that he was upset, and i said how he should come over and watch the movie, and he said no and that he just wanted to do nothing and hang around at home. we havent seen eachother in 9 days today! i know its early...but it just seems so random and out of the blue. and i didnt get mad at him the other night for ditching because i knew he was upset and i didnt want to be a bitch! soo yeah. thats the dill.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 11-18-2005 - 9:37am

ck-bklynchik...

Thanks for asking! At the moment Pianoguy and his faithful border collie companion (WIMPY) are doing okay....although (like you) we're bracing for the cold weather during the weekend. .

ANYWAY...

The behavior in the boyfriend is going all over the map. One minute he's INTERESTED, his next choice is to be DISTANT! Kinda like a game of badminton or ping pong! But hardly the foundation on which a serious, solid relationship can be built???

I know a few ivillage ladies who automatically assume that their interested "male counterparts" should automatically declare their "EVERLASTING LOVE" (quoting the Diana Ross/Lionel Ritchie tune) the moment there's some sort of body contact! But as romantic as most males are capable of becoming....our 'true emotional desires' usually won't show up for several weeks (or several months)!

As for "sexual desire"-----I think everybody knows that's an entirely different issue---depending upon the male and how much the woman is willing to 'sacrifice' in order to keep him?

Pianoguy