Confused about new bf...help

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2003
Confused about new bf...help
5
Fri, 08-19-2005 - 11:48pm
So I've been dating my guy for about a month and a half and everythings been great, we love each other so much. Well, tonight we went to the city (nyc) to hang out with his fire academy bros and things went from great to terrifying. He obviously became intoxicated, and was joking around and stuff with me, and even though i said it was bothering me, he continured to do it as if he knew it would bother me, (i wanted to scream or cry, thats how bad it was getting with the topic he was joking about). Then we finally left and he was giving me a hard time cuz i told him i wanted to drive...(becuz he certainly shouldnt).....by then i was crying because i've never seen this way he was being before and it scared me. So he actually was about to threaten that he'd use his back up key(cuz i had his keys) and by then i didnt know what to do. So i was scared crapless when he was driving back home, and still crying because of it. He of course was like "whats worng" and apoligizing....and i love him so much, that i dont know whats going on...ugh how do you think i should handle this tomorrrow morning? i'm so confused....will things always be like this...am i thinking about it too much and shouldnt be......confused here! (am i making sense?)
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Sat, 08-20-2005 - 8:04am

I can tell you what is going. You are dating a wonderful man that becomes a different person when he drinks. Since he does drink, he probaby isn't interested in stopping or acknowledging that he has a problem.

If your man gave you a hard time about not driving, your best bet next time (if there is a next time) is to hand him his keys and tell him that you will talk to him later. There is no need to get yourself into a potentially violent situation or car crash. You can always call a friend to come pick you up or catch a cab home safely.

If you insist on continuing to date this guy, I strongly recommend you get involved with Al-Anon so you can learn to live with somebody with a violence and alcohol problem.

Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2003
Sat, 08-20-2005 - 9:13am
Woah! Well, thanks for your reply, but that's goin a little overboard for me. It's not like I've never been with him when he's been drunk before. I seen him drinking whether it's just us two together and also when we're drinking with friends, and he's been fine, fun, and enjoyable. This was just the first time he was weird. Anyways thanks again!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Sat, 08-20-2005 - 9:35am

You've only been dating him for 1.5 months when most people are still trying to be on their best behavior.

http://www.al-anon.org/english.html

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Sun, 08-21-2005 - 6:20pm

Your "great and wonderful boyfriend" not only disregarded your feelings, but your personal safety as well. I'm sorry, but you KNOW better than to get in the car with someone who's been drinking, you tried to do the right thing by insisting you drive- and at the point that he was threatening, you should have walked away and found your own way home. If he wants to act irresponsible in that manner, then let him. He should have been happy that YOU, at least, were worried about HIS personal safety- not to mention anyone on the road that he could have potentially run into.

I don't care if he's been "fun, fun, fun" every OTHER time you've gone out- he's irresponsible and his attitude may GET YOU KILLED! Tell him that next time, you'll be driving if he's going to drink. If he doesn't like it, end it. You don't need to be involved with someone who has no regard for anyone else's safety.

You've only been together a month and a half, so you don't *really* know each other, and you don't *really* have that many ties to him. Is this guy just interested in partying all weekend and getting drunk, or is it a once in a while thing?

You need to think about yourself first and foremost. Do not put yourself in danger just to have a guy around- it's not worth it. You can certainly find one that will not treat you and disrespect you in that manner.

Alison

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2003
Sun, 08-21-2005 - 10:38pm
No, it's just once in a while, he doesn't have time to drink and party. And yes, i had a talk with him the next morning about every single thing that bothered me about that night. He agreed he was a "d*ck" and apoligized a lot for his behavior and agreed that he should have let me drive (just to note, he wasn't totally smashed that nite, but i wasnt drinking at all) and that he doesnt think he's going to hanging out much with the guys he was with that night because of how the like to drink, he doesn't want to take that chance again. I told him theres going to be a problem if anything like this occurs again, and he took it to heart. He felt so bad that he invited me that day to a block party he was working at (for the company he works for), so he could apologize in person, and give me a huge hug, and we spent the whole day together celebrating someonelses party, it was fun. So thanks for the input, and i'll let you know if anything occurs again, otherwise, he's keeping his word. I think i sounded paniced in my first post because of more shock than anything. Thanks again, and don't worry, i'm not one to let someone take advantage of weak moments, i speak my mind when needed.