confused with boys

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2003
confused with boys
2
Sat, 03-20-2004 - 7:03pm
there is this boy that i have been 'flirting' with...well, we both like each other alot, hang out regularly, and make out. we have both gotten out of long relationships so are not ready to date. he has made this clear, and i have as well.

from my standpoint, i am having fun being single since it does not tie me down. also, i am always terrified of being involved with someone that is in your circle of friends or work-related area. when relationships turn sour in that situation, there is always tension and uneasiness.

he is also not wanting commitment and wants to put work and play above everything else. i understand this completely.

we both like each other, have fun with friends, don't want to date, and have fun with each other.

he will talk to me, make sure we see each other, offer to help out with things, tells me he likes me a lot, loves kissing me, and doesn't want me to back off. he opens up to me and tells me things he usually keeps inside, and likewise, i do the same.

i guess i am confused because it seems we do everything that couples do--except go on dates. what do boys want in this? is this just rebound loneliness?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Sun, 03-21-2004 - 11:55am
You're focusing on the wrong thing - you are lying to him and to yourself - if you truly just wanted a friend you hooked up with once in awhile you would not be analyzing his actions and trying to figure out his feelings - you wouldn't care. You want more out of this than he does - you hope it leads to a relationship and you are choosing not to listen to his many statements that he does not want that with you- it is not that he doesn't want that - he doesn't want that with you and you have to accept that. I have heard of very few examples of a man not wanting a relationship to the point that even if he were sincerely interested in a woman he would tell her right off the bat he didn't want a relationship - he would date her for awhile and see if he changed his mindset.

He is not using you - he is being very honest about boundaries and you are trying to ignore what he said and read into other things because you want more. If you decide to keep hooking up with him just accept that you are settling for less than you want rather than telling yourself you don't want a relationship.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 03-21-2004 - 4:31pm
You say you are making out with him, apparently he likes it. That is probably he wants, a sex partner and someone's shoulder to cry on.