Confused on DATING... HELP!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2004
Confused on DATING... HELP!!!
5
Wed, 03-03-2004 - 12:05am
Hi,

I really wanna know what is "the meaning" of dating to most american guy.

I've been dating a guy (american guy) and had sex with him. I really like him.. and i know he also like me..

We go out frequently and also had sex. We share our feelin and let us know that we care and smitten to each other.

From my point of view... if i dating a guy just like i do with him it means I shouldn't go out with other guy but him.....

But i rather confused is american guy also has the same thought as i do...

SO WHADDAYA THINK?????



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 03-03-2004 - 1:31am
well, if you two are sleeping together, which you are, it is natural to presume that you're both not sleeping with others - that you're exclusive to one another that way.

don't keep having sex with him until you get this cleared. for a while, maybe it's ok, but not continually.

because if you set it straight and both agree that you are exlusive, you know what to expect. after all, sloppy seconds is gross, and no girl wants that just because of some guy who made the "wrong" assumption.

if that is what you want, then tell him. don't ask him, tell him.

and if he feels pressured and he isn't totally cool and eager about this idea of exclusivity, tell him you want to be just "friends". got it? once it's clear to both of you, it'll be easier.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-03-2004 - 7:04am
The couple decides whether to stop dating others and to be exclusive. except for one unusual case (which isn't relevant here) I will not have sex with a man unless we are exclusive and committed and see potential for marriage. Usually I need to be dating a man at least several months before we have sex, and I have never has sex with a man who I didn't love very much and see potential for marriage. It has nothing to do with culture, just values - so decide what your personal values are and act consistently with them.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2004
Fri, 03-05-2004 - 1:36pm
I would talk with him about this. You can't assume anything, he could have the same understanding that you do or he may not. Personally, I would not have slept with him unless there was an understanding ahead of time about exclusivity.

Males and females have different ideas about when is the right time to sleep together. I read a scientific study once that claimed the average male is comfortable with the idea of sleeping with a female after knowing her for a week. Whereas the average female is comfortable only after 6 months!

So sex can obviously mean different things to males and females. Generally, a male would be quite happy to sleep around with several women. There are ways to motivate guys to be monogamous and hang around, however. The best is to wait to have sex until he is emotionally attached.

This is something a lot of women have forgotten. I think one writer called it "unilateral disarmament".

To get back to your question, you need to talk with him about this. If he's not willing to be exclusive, you might consider whether you want to keep seeing him.

On the other hand, he may already consider himself exclusive and committed. Or he may not, and have no intention of becoming so. You need to find out.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2004
Sat, 03-06-2004 - 6:25am
Finally.. last night he said he LOVES me...!!!

Gosh!!! i'm sooooooooow HAPPY...

He is so nice... he looks so cute (he still sleepin now...awww.. I love him soooo much)

Thanks for the words Friends......

love,

hopefooly

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2004
Sat, 03-06-2004 - 11:16am
That's one of the easiest things in the world to say! I would still talk with him about what his understanding is of your status together. You have no reason to assume that he has the same understanding you do.