Confused, Do I try again?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2004
Confused, Do I try again?
3
Wed, 06-16-2004 - 5:35pm
My girlfriend of two years told me in Dec. that she needed some “space.” I kind of went into a panic mode because I knew I had been really mean to her. So I kept calling her several times a day. Then she finally said she wanted to break up for good.

On one hand I was always there for her while she was putting herself through school and working full time. I would go to her house and mow her lawn and do things for her. Most of the time she never even thanked me. I started to grow resentful. So, I would find fault in everything she did and became verbally abusive. After she said she needed space I tried to be nicer and I told her how much I loved her. I would call her at work just to hear her voice. About six weeks after she broke up with me she called me regarding a plumbing problem. When I was there I told her we could have had everything together. I was crying and I hugged her and she barely hugged me back. She just said she was sorry. Yes, it’s hard to admit because I’m a guy but I cried!

Finally, I started to date someone else. I put my ex behind me and moved on. As soon as I did, now she wants me back. She told me the stress of her mother dying and going through school was overwhelming and that when I became verbally abusive it was the straw that broke the camel’s back. She said she still loves me more than ever and did not realize how much until she lost me for good. She is getting counseling to work on her issues and she invited me to join. I’m dating a girl from work and we have a lot of fun together, but she is a girl that has dated a few other of my coworkers in the past and this bothers me a little. She even dated a married man and had a lesbian relationship at one time. Should I give the new girl a chance or try counseling with my ex? I still love my ex but I do not trust that she will not run away again. I’m so scared we will get in the rut we got into before and the bickering will start all over. She told me she was so distraught she did not know what else to do but take a time out. Is it wrong of me to continue to see the other girl while going to counseling with my ex, at least until I decide what I want? I am so torn between the two I just do not know what to do.

Thank you for your thoughts. . . .

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Wed, 06-16-2004 - 5:47pm
It sounds like your ex-girlfriend just wants you around when its convenient for HER. When she needs a shoulder to cry on, or help with plumbing, or whatever. What about you? What do you want? In a way, she has "used" you, more or less. Do you feel that you are too passive in your relationships? A lot of times, passive types of people will constantly do things for others, and soon they are taken for granted. Then, they get angry about it which of course leads to things like verbally abusing their partner, who they feel has been taking advantage of them. What you need to do is start being more assertive right in the beginning. If you don't feel like mowing the lawn, then say so. If you can't always listen to someone's problems, tell them so. If you really love her and want her back, maybe you two could go see a counselor together. But, that's only IF you want her back. Do you?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2004
Wed, 06-16-2004 - 6:06pm
I guess it's really about what you want. No ex-no don't even bother. The new girl? If you are out to just have fun and not get into anything serious--then she would be a good bet. However-since you are still semi fresh out of a relationship--maybe you should be with "you" for awhile and take some time before you jump right back into the dating scene. Food for thought, that's all!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2004
Thu, 06-17-2004 - 10:26am
If you are in love with your ex, I strongly encourage you to try the counseling.
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