CONFUSED ON EMAILING AN EX

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2004
CONFUSED ON EMAILING AN EX
5
Tue, 08-10-2004 - 2:36am
really do need some advice on this one

I have been dating a guy for almost two years in which I am completely in love with.

Our relationship went to one extreme of getting engaged to nothing. I have had problems with him keeping in touch with ex flings and girlfriend and telling him that it looks like he doesnt know how to let go of his past. We have broken up about4 times and more than half of those times I had no clue of why we broke up when I felt he needed to gain and prove himself from defying my trust and that I was giving him another chance to be that way to me.

Each time we get back together it seems stronger than ever and happier but then something always happens to where it will screw things up to where any bystander would tell me to loose him.

We just came back from the beach this past weekend and he left his email open in which I found a sent email to his ex, yet again but this time it was more like, "I was at my parents house and came across some pics of you and wanted to know if you wanted them back (being that they broke up about 5 years ago, and this was a highschool relationship) Email me and let me know if you want them and let me know how things are with you and your boyfriend and ifyou all have gotten married yet..." It really hurt but at the same time i was so numb by all the bickering from past problems that I stopped myself to be like wow is this a warning sign , should i confront even after a nice weekend we had.? I know in my heart that definitely has made me the pump the brakes in my head despite the great outcome of this relationship this time around.

I know my friends want me to confront but another older friend tells me that I shouldnt make any hasty decisions either way and that I should think things through.

i am starting to convince myself that he is secretly in love with her, even though he tells me he is not. i mean I just think it is weird that he would see if someone from his past would want her things back , I definitely think it is an excuse to get in touch with her, but is it that innocent and worth telling him to get lost.

i am definitely exhausted, if anyone is out there and would be inclined to know more and/or give me advice on the situation at hand, please let me know divineangel333@hotmail.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2004
Tue, 08-10-2004 - 3:32am
He's still in love with the x! The email about the pics is a bunch of bologne! That was a way for him to use something to contact her. He then ask what's her status with her bf = are you single? maybe we can get together? = HINTS

Do what ever you feel is right. Women dont think. Women "FEEL"

Confront him on this. Ask him if he's spoken to the x. See if he's gonna be honest with you. If he denies it, dropkick him to the curb

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Tue, 08-10-2004 - 12:03pm
To be honest I don't think he is in love with his ex. I think you are just trying to find a reason to dump him since you are not happy with this relationship. "Making a mountain out of a mole hill" I believe is the term.

Get rid of this guy if you're so unhappy. You don't owe him anything to stay with him, but you do owe yourself to be happy.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2004
Tue, 08-10-2004 - 12:45pm
Hi there alpha,

I appreciate your honest opinion, I do agree with you. I had asked some people and they told me that thought it was weird to --I mean I dont think it is any reason why he would ask her if he wanted to the pics back when he should just be like that is five years ago. I mean I have no problems of him being friends with girls but I dont think that was an appropriate email by any means especially if she is in another relationship all together.

I am debating in my head whether or not I should confront still or just break up. I gave him an opportunity to tell me on his own < I casually brought it up last night and said hey have you been in touch with anyone lately through email and he said, Oh come on you know I would tell you. And he never fessed up to it. I feel if it was innocent then there would be no reason to lie to me. Let me know what you think

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2004
Tue, 08-10-2004 - 12:49pm
I do actually agree with you slightly Alison however, I dont think I am trying to find a reason to, if you had read the previous post I have given him chance upon chance to change and each time something like this happens.

I do not think dishonesty is making a mountain out of a molehill since I have been more than willing in this relationship to give him the benefit of the doubt.

I am caught between being in love with him and putting in all the time and effort into this, I dont want to waste my time and this is his first real relationship so I try to put that into consideration but honestly I have been thinking more and more of self happiness and what I do owe myself and my well being.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Tue, 08-10-2004 - 1:06pm
It could have just been an honest email asking if she wanted the pictures back, it could have been an email to find out if she's with someone. Who knows? But I understand from your message that you did ask if he had talked to her in a while and he said no, even though there was an email to her on his computer. On the other hand, he could have meant no, because she had not replied to her, so in reality, he hasn't talked to her- just sent her a note.

Either way, if you're the only one putting in all the effort, at what point are YOU going to have given it all? There should be a little give and take, no matter if this is his *first real relationship* or not. A decent and respectful human being shares and gives of him/ herself in any relationship, whether with family, friends or a partner.

Sit him down and tell him what YOU need to make this relationship work, and find out what HE needs as well. If you both are honest with each other about your needs and things still don't change, then it's not meant to be.

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