Confused in long term relationship

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2006
Confused in long term relationship
1
Sat, 05-27-2006 - 10:16pm
Hi girls,
I am new here, and I have a relationship dillemma I could really use some help with. I have been dating this guy, Scott for a year and a half now. We live together, and things seem to be going ok, but sometimes I start wondering if I should stay in the relationship. We have our share of problems. For starters, we have been together this long and he still hasn't said he loves me. I finally asked him if he does, and he said yes, but he has never actually told me. And also, he is just not the kind of guy I am used to dating. He is not open with how he feels, and he is never affectionate, and he is kind of a big pushover. everybody walks all over him. And there were these girls that were trying to get him to break up with me, and sat there and said all these horrible things about me when I wasn't there, and he didn't even defend me.
And finally, there is the fact that I am still not over my ex. I havent seen or talked to Will in two years, but I know I still love him, and sometimes I think about him. The possibility of us even getting back together is unlikely, but he is always there in the back of the mind, the man I really loved.
I am not sure if I love scott. At times I think so, but other times its questionable. It's not just openly apparent like it was with will. He talks about the prospect of us getting married and having kids someday, but sometimes he seems like he isn't sure either. I just miss those sparks I had with Will, and now I am wondering if I can still make this relationship with Scott work even though there arent many sparks. I don't want to hurt him, and I really do care about him. But I am just really confused right now.
Any advice would be helpful :)
Shelly
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
Sun, 05-28-2006 - 8:45pm
Since you have all these doubts and concerns I'd re-evaluate the relationship and the goals you both have. If after 1 year and half the relatonship is still and you keep on thinking in your ex and don't know if you love your BF this definitely going to end sooner or later. He seems to be comfy where he is and will probably continue like this if you don't say anything. In my humble opinion, you should have the talk and go your separate ways. Neither of you seem to have the common goal to share standards and grow together as a couple. He doesn't open up and is a doormat andy you still love your ex.