Confused by mixed signals...

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Confused by mixed signals...
2
Sun, 05-09-2004 - 10:18pm
I'm new to the whole dating scene again after getting out of two back-to-back serious relationships (one was 3 years and the last one was 10 months). Any advice would be helpful.

I gave my number to a guy I met last Friday, and he eventually called me on Tuesday. We had our first date on Thursday. We both had plans to go-out Friday night with our friends, and we eventually crossed paths that night and hung-out. Afterwards, we went to his friend's house and relaxed in the hot tub. After about an hour of making-out, we left and went home for the night (separately). Before we parted that night, he kissed me good-night and told me he'd call me when he gets back into town this upcoming Saturday night (was going on vacation). I called him the next day (right before he left for his trip) and left a voice mail telling him I had a great time Friday night, wished him a fun & safe trip, and that I would talk to him when he returned. I thought he would've returned my call--especially since he seemed very interested in me--- but he didn't. Since we've only known each other for one week and have gone out on one official date---and because of the fact that he seems to be a "rules" guy---I don't expect to call me during his vacation. However, I am feeling mixed signals from him.

I'm probably overanalyzing the whole thing since I really like him, but I do have a few questions:

---Am I just being impatient, or do you think he isn't interested anymore?

---Would a guy make-out/kiss for an hour if he didn't feel any spark? Or would he have stopped soon after?

---For a guy who followed the "3 to 4 days before calling a girl" rule, is this expected?

---Can anyone explain a guy's behavior or thought processes during the time period between the first few dates?

Thank you in advance.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
Mon, 05-10-2004 - 1:22am

I don't know anything about what "the rules" say about a man waiting 3 or 4 days to call a woman, but if you are interested in a man who follows that kind of rule, it seems to me that you would have waited for him to call YOU.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2004
Mon, 05-10-2004 - 9:22am
---Am I just being impatient, or do you think he isn't interested anymore? You're just being impatient.

---Would a guy make-out/kiss for an hour if he didn't feel any spark? Or would he have stopped soon after? Just about any guy will makeout and kiss for an hour if the woman is willing, whether or not he feels a "spark". The fact that he made out with you means nothing in terms of how he feels about you. He has no idea how he feels about you. It's way too soon for him to know. Often a man's feelings will run hot and cold for several weeks before he figures out if he's really interested or not.

---For a guy who followed the "3 to 4 days before calling a girl" rule, is this expected?

Is what expected? The fact that he didn't call you? Nothing in the dating world is "expected" -- it's all based on subtle little signals. The fact that you called him the following day to wish him good luck on his trip was, in my opinion, not in your best interests. It would have been best to leave him alone. Now... you are the one pursung him. What you want is for him to pursue you. As long as you pursue him, he has no incentive (or need) to pursue you. And the fact that you've pursued him with this call means he can take even more time to call you.

---Can anyone explain a guy's behavior or thought processes during the time period between the first few dates? See first answer above. Neither men nor women really have enough of a basis to make even an initial determination on whether they're truly interested in the other party the first couple of months. Then it's real touch and go until about the 4th or 5th month mark, where it will start to get a little clearer what's going.

You're making way too big a deal about this. I'd suggest you back off completely for now and stop looking for answers that don't exist. Only time will tell.