confused Teenager

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2006
confused Teenager
5
Wed, 02-01-2006 - 9:24am
Hello. So. I am 19 in college. This guy has liked me since last yr but he looked kinda dorky and akward. This year, he fixed his hair a bit and grew a little and maybe I'm shallow but he looks a bit better even though he is akward and dorky and arrogant too. He basically "stalked" me into going out w him..haha. He would always call me, im me and ask me to hang out till I finally did. We began seeing each other casually and he said he was in love one night intoxicated..I said he wasn't. This was since September. Now it is Feb....We have been without a real title for some time now because I told him I didn't want the title of a relationship..I don't know why maybe because I was scared of what everyone would think...he's not the coolest guy..and i don't love him or anything much. I said ok, i'll try the relationship thing once back in like Nov or so and then said i'd rather go abck to no title...it was just too confining. Now, we have beenkinda dating exclusively and when we go on dates he doesnt offer to pay for me..he alwways says like "how should we split this" If I am sleeping with him and we r bascally ina relationship without the title, we are not seeing anyone else, shouldnt he pay for me once? Even if we went to a fancy restaurant on his birthday and a museum and nice things..he's well off but whatever. Latley he has been kind of talking down to me..and acting even more arrogant. He called me an idiot at dinner once because ir ead something wrong and he went along with it but once he realized what the mistake was, he called me an idiot. The sex is ok..he wants it all the time..but I just dont feel so attracted to him to wanna have sex..and he's starting to get a bit stalker ish. I decided in late Jan i wanted to try to be in a relationship wth him..maybe to see if he would pay for me or what not..he started instant messaging me like 50 times a day and asking to hang out every second and getting super jealous at every guy talking to me. He even watched me to see when i would come back on to AIM on the buddylist and would notice when i would go idle or not. Not its kind of akward and i told him he is acting condescending towards me. He is apologizing but he invited me to stay with him for break at his house for a few days..in 3 weeks..I don't know if I wanna dtay with him or not and I can't realize or decide it..I feel like maybe I can do better..and he is so arrogant and speaks down to me..and i'm not even really attracted to him or liked him from the start..he kinda made me like him but hes crazy aboutme..i can tell. and how can i tell if i want him and that I won't make a huge mistake?Thanks.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2004
Wed, 02-01-2006 - 12:40pm
Well, you're not too attracted to him and you don't see him as boyfriend material. So you really should break things off with him completely. You are in a FWB, type of a relationship and since he doesn't have the title of "boyfriend" he feels he shouldn't have to pay for you. This could be one way he is trying to spite you in a passive agressive sort of way. Now, his talking down to you and acting arrogant, are out of spite as well. He feels that you are pulling away from him, so he's angry and handling things the wrong way. He sounds a bit immature and can't take no for an answer when it comes to sex. If you let him hang around, he will always be hopeful that something more is going to happen. Then he'll become frustrated when you make it clear to him you only like him as a friend. The "friendship" will end up going in a complete circle (on again - off again). So that is why I feel you should end things with him completely.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2006
Wed, 02-01-2006 - 1:54pm
OK. how do i end this without him hating me...and realizing its a mistake
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2004
Wed, 02-01-2006 - 3:10pm
The only way to end it is to tell him the honest truth. That it's not working for you. He may end up hating you, because he's not getting things his way. You can't help that. You have to do what you have to do. Don't stay with him out of fear he'll get angry. You need to move on with your own life.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Wed, 02-01-2006 - 3:27pm

OK, so let's get this straight. You are with a guy that is not attractive to you, is arrogant and belittling to you, treats you like crap, the sex is bad and basically stalked (and currently stalks) you to get you to go out with him. What's to think about here. You don't want to be with him. Why are you holding yourself back from finding someone that WILL be what you want and treat you right.

Who cares if he hates you? In fact, why do you care if he hates you? He doesn't sound like a very nice person anyway. You are responsible only for your own feelings. Tell him that the relationship is not working for you and you no longer want to see him. Tell him also that you want to go a certain amount of time before ANY contact at all. That guy that wrote "He's Just Not That Into You" also wrote a book called "It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken". He suggests 60 days after breaking up with someone NO CONTACT AT ALL. You might want to consider that book if you have the time and money.

You are young and in college and you shouldn't be wasting your time on some bozo that treats you like crap and that you don't care about. He calls you an idiot and why do you think YOU have to look out for HIS feelings? We women are too soft when it comes to this. If you stay in this letting him walk all over you, he'll continue to do it and get worse. Get out now while you still have some shred of self-esteem. As I said, if you're not happy, look out for yourself. You owe him nothing more than the truth that you don't want to be in the "relationship" any more because it is not working FOR YOU. If you have to, block his number, IMs and email. If he stalks you, get the campus police into it if he won't honor your request to leave you alone for 60 days. This guy sounds borderline abusive and definitely unstable. You don't need that in your life at this or any age.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2005
Wed, 02-01-2006 - 6:18pm

I posted my "break up tips" for you to your same post in Is It Meant to Be?


Good luck with that conversation!


~Sandra

Sandra, Girl Extraordinaire


DG to the sweetest guy in the world

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